There was a point in time
When I used to despise myself
Much to my own undoing
I stripped away layers
Unveiling my true self
Assuming that I was loved for just that
But who I was inside was never quite enough
Concealed by the shadows
To form the truth they conjured
Flickering within the candlelight
Never quite true to myself.
I was what they wanted me to be
Shaving off the edges of my square peg
To fit in the conformity of their round hole
A cycle spinning like a top
Round and round I went
In the merry-go-round of life
Until finally, I stopped toppling over
Visions of the self they imposed.
Kicked into a dusty corner and forgotten
Before I made my walkabout
And realized for the first time
The illumination of my mind
The self-realization of strong will-
I was lost, but not forgotten.
I love with a ferocity that tends to be offputting
I love with intensity, overwhelming those
Who cannot fathom its depths
I write poetry and prose to express
The intricate details and quiet strumming
Of the music from my thought
And the wonder that my love
Brings to life within me-
Whether it is reciprocated or not-
My love inspires me to be, more than I am
And believes it to be so, though
Silence is still so unforgiving
And distance much to my heart’s torturing.
Yet still such emotion so infinite
I drown myself within
And forget within elaborate fantasies
The boundaries that have been drawn.
I think with a child’s innocence and
Hold hope between my teeth
A bit that I bite upon
That leads me to my knees.
I am simple and complex
a mystery and what’s known
I show now what I want to see
The strength that has always resided within.
I find laughter in the obscure and silly things
I laugh at the juvenile
I cry tears of the innocence
Still fretting over just being myself.
But here I am, unapologetically
Exploring my map of life
And realize that no matter what
No matter who leaves me
No matter who comes to me
I will always be in my life.
I will continue to love as I do
Nothing shameful in that, it’s true
I’m as honest as I can be
Because I can be honest with myself.
There’s no point in trying to hide it
The complexities of who I am
I’m loved, I’m lost
Without my heart
So I hold on
And embrace my faults.