The Poetry Marathon

Sleep,

how I long for it

I’ve fallen prisoner to writing poems these last 3 hours

dosing off repeatedly

not sure what I posted

these last 3

Around here

I survive off of very little affection

Judgement begins in the eyes

It brings with it the possibility of being nothing

I choose to process life alone

with less intrusion

from the outside

I desire to be personified in love

without sacrificing my sensitivity

to break

The sunrise casts light

over dark shadows

it motivates movement

just by lighting up the sky

Shield me

keep me

covered with protection

I have grown weary

of rain

its a sight to see

posts with relationship status

I’s married now

I’m desired.

I’m taken.

Nowaday, the men are the prize

and the women pay

Life is always what you imagine it to be

holding no more space

than what you dream

or the lack of

You are truly alone in this

even with the assistance

of relationships

Joy is fleeting

rarely seen

I have no true recollection of it

possibly of content

it seems overrated

like an experience to have

not hold

not one to be

not one that stays

I am weary of drifters.

I have come to know and understand

my darkness.

It’s my neighbor

sometimes it comes over and bathes with me

drinks tea

and makes me reflect on the things I need to work on

within myself

Sometimes I welcome it

and other times

I shut it out

scream at it

tell it to leave me alone

and it does

for a little while

but always returns to see if its missed

to see if it can teach me a little bit more

about people that I don’t need in my life

it sends demons by

to glance me over

to trick me into acceptance of making more room

for it

It prefers me by myself

I don’t know what I’m like without it

Joy is a tease

a toxic false fleeting emotion

that stays only long enough for a sip

its harder to know

to understand

its too bright

and I work with the lights off

A demon called out to me

years ago

I felt its nails trace down my back

tauntingly

my brain shakes now

its overresponding

to something

approaching

as I lay awake, I feel

my health starting to unravel

but I ignore it

with the slightest tug

I strip away concern

for this deep pain

I harbor inside

One night I felt something trying to pull me out

of this body

and I panicked

kicked my legs and fought

only to see nothing

Next time, I will probably give it permission

to see what it will devour of me

I tire

of my kids

on somedays

I want to keep them safe

I can’t

I put them first

but lack the emotional ability to provide

they push my boundaries

casting shadows over my own memories

of self

I’m too busy trying to provide

its unnatural

what I am expected to be

in this world

I ache when I respond with lack of regard

and offer apologies

and hugs

but never enough.

what makes a parent toxic?

I crave the texture of crushed ice

the cold

it snuggles me

When I run out

I dream of it at night

I never tire of it

it gives me a welcome kick

calms my neuroticism