The Poetry Marathon

Hour 18

Holding on to what’s left of me

It’s not that easy

Slipping memory

Changing personality

I move from place to place

Expecting to find solace

Always seeking a new face

I can hold in my embrace

Echoes of my past in my ears ringing

Assign too much meaning

Find my world spinning

Demons winning

Light shines from the unexpected

Feeling blessed, protected

Negative trajectory redirected

Positively affected

Dealing with my choices

Hour 17

Strip me of emotion

So I can do what must be done

Erase this internal commotion

By tomorrow I’ll have won

Kill my desires

Leave only duty and logic

Put out the fires

Then there’d be no need for magic

Clear my mind

The path is straight

Sweet distractions may find

My goals having to wait

What is passion if not fleeting

The ends don’t seem to be meeting

Death to my soul

Struggling to remain whole

Strip me of emotion

So I can do what must be done.

Hour 16

Dear candidate

Thank you for your interest and time you invested

In applying for the role in our organisation

But it was not fate

We regret to inform you that after careful consideration

We have chosen another for this position

Though your qualifications were impressive

There was a high level of competition

We encourage you to keep an eye out for any future opening

Thank you for understanding

We wish you all the best

With your continued suffering

Fifty or so more written tests

Cover letters, interviews, networking

We are confident you will land your dream job

Just not this time

Not with us

Sincerely

HR

Hour 15

I want you to suffer

When I’m in pain

That way I don’t have to

Deal with my own shame

I would rather just find

Someone else to blame

I am never at fault

I am never wrong

You were the problem

All along

I am noble

For being so forgiving

Even though I just don’t like dealing

With the difficult aspects of my behaviour

Rather take it out on my next-door neighbour

Everybody likes me

So I am above reproach

Act innocently

That’s my approach

To gain as many people on my side

I claim to carry moral authority

While I revel at others’ stupidity

I am the tortured genius

God’s gift to humanity

I make you sad

To feel powerful

I distance myself

From those inconvenient to me

I wallow in my self-hate

While I see myself above all the rest

I’m pretty sure I’m a villain

Hour 14

Little light

Bright warm glow

You pulse in my hands cupped together

I cannot help but keep glancing down at you

You are my little light

I used to always stare up at you in the dark night sky

Reach my arms up to grasp at you

Dismay at how unreachable you appeared to be

From one end of the globe to the other

You shined steadily overhead

Until one day I reached up

And pulled back to find you finally in the palm of my hand

You are my little light

You are smaller than you seemed up there

But with you in my hands I feel invincible

Your gravitational pull keeps me steady on my feet

Ready to face each day

Like a great old tree with roots stretching deep in the ground

Fuelled by the strength and courage you give me

My little light

As I hold up my cupped hands together with you in them

And face my creator

I am almost at a loss for what to say

Because what more could I ask for

Night and day I asked Him for you

Wondering if I should not aim too high

Yet here you are in my hands

My little light

Someday I may put you back in a new spot in the night sky

So that I can stare up at you again

Climb even greater mountains

Jump higher than I have ever jumped

To try and grasp you again

But for now I hold you in my hands

Gaze at your bright warm glow

My little light.

Hour 13

Development practitioner

Just a glorified volunteer

Three to five unpaid internships

Because I am a do-gooder

Dreamt of being a global traveller

Have to settle with meetings on Teams

Thought I’d be making the world better

Nothing is ever what it seems

Blames everything on past colonials

Yet financially dependent on neoliberals

Flashy words like governmentality

Far removed from reality

Say I’m not after fame

But my choice of profession boosts my ego

Say I’m not after money

But my dream job at the UN would make me rich

When people ask what I do

I get confused by my own answer

Half the time wondering how I got here

The other half I’m just glad they’re finally paying me

Because I fucking love my job

I am human too
I like ice cream
I love going to the beach
I enjoy music
I like to feel strong
I crave for attention
I want to make my own choices
I yearn to know more
I am driven my whim and emotion
I require rest
I try to do my best
I love
I long to be loved
I struggle and compromise each day between ideals and desires
I fear change
I miss the comforts of childhood
I believe in the unseen

No matter how much I try
To find my niche in this world
To be different
To be special
I am just the same because
I am human too

I am not okay
Some of the hardest words to say
When all I want is to see you smile
Just a little while
Before I walk away and close the door
To find myself surrounded by my fears and sorrows once more
The momentary shine I show you flickers
The fresh-faced bloom of peace withers

But God forbid that you should feel bad
If you catch a glimpse of me sad
Through these four words I must not utter
To make you ache from knowing there is little help you can offer
I’d rather hurt in silence
It does not matter

How could I possibly express
How important it is to me
That you enjoy my company
Regardless of which face I wear today
I hope that you can embrace
All my moods
All my layers
All my truths
All my prayers
So that someday
I might not be afraid
To say that
I am not okay

I turn left and right
I close my eyes tight
I reach out with my heart
To that moment we part
Take me across two continents
Back to those sweet moments
Where my heart knew calm
And I did not need lip balm
In the arms of dearests
All I want is to rest
This perpetual anxiety
Continues to haunt me
What great sorrow
To know that tomorrow
My mother’s touch remains unreachable
My father’s roaring sneeze barely memorable
Painfully learning everyday
What I wouldn’t give
To be able to hold my little brother in my arms again
Sometimes my every being
Wants to scream
Take me home
Almost like a myth
Trapped in this picture of perfect bliss
Take me home
Even if just a lie created in my head
That returning home may grant relief
To console myself from this daily dread
Perhaps escape is what I really need
Even then is it not my right
To want to return home tonight
Belittle not the plight of refugees
There are no other aches like these
Take me home

Pink
She ignites an excitement in me
Sight of which my being almost shivers
Drawing me instantly to her
But keeping me just far away enough
That I can’t wait for more
She radiates a bright warm light
Yet her power over me is almost cruel
But if she calls I must come
Somehow I’m convinced
She might be the one