Those dressmaking scissors
Heavy to hold and never to be used
Fashioning costumes hiding in
Won prizes every year
Slicing words interspersed nurture
Continuum of dialog
Too early to filter
Dressmaker programming those undressed.

Heavy sinking in
Car journeys
Her and I alone
Unfinished house
He came back so late
So much shouting
English green agoraphobia
Never a good child.

Exotic from abroad
Yet xenophobia for all
Able to create anything
Yet mind turned sharp
Told how special I was
Yet demon you couldn’t handle
Amazed with everything looking so skilled
Yet cradle pushed, no secure base.

Beholden to what puts it in motion
Markings strike stars shards and sparks
Reflected sameness, unclear heritage
Conceptual inheritance with maternal sins
What talent, like you, without foundation
Secret love for those with your face
Hostile hypersensitive and unsafe
Trying to find your love in hers.

So long walking away,
Leaving me, eyes through letterbox torment
More than the hardest times
Holding hitting never sure what to do
With only one of you,
How would another bring me?
So much, subtle profound parts of you
Laying roots far enough to survive.