If I ever had the chance

To sit upon a throne

I would be ever grateful

To have a kingdom of my own

I don’t want a massive empire

I’m not too OTT

But I myself would like a small

Island kingdom just for me

By an Island, I mean tropical

Not the bloody Isle of Wight

Somewhere like Bermuda

Or the Bahamas would be alright

Of course there would be people

In whose lives I can assist

As I would need somebody

To rule with an iron fist

I would give them education

The best attempt I can

And it would be comprehensive

About how great I am

I’d want a little army

I think that would be fine

It would be a peaceful island

Cos all the weapons would be mine!

Is it wrong to have a statue?

As a cliché it’s rather old

But I’ve worked hard, a modest likeness?

10 feet high and solid gold!

I don’t mind a bit of criticism

I don’t resent critique

But if you really push it

Your outlook will be bleak

I mean I have to have a prison

It’s a requirement to govern

It would have to be humane of course

The guards won’t whip, they’ll bludgeon

I’m not a total tyrant

I don’t want to take the mic

But I’ve been told I can be a dictator

Though my friends just call me dick.