I want to change my life,

To fundamentally alter who and what I am.

I went to counseling. I confessed my inadequacies,

Holding back my deepest and darkest, because

 

Frankly, I already know what I need to do to fix myself.

But I didn’t want to do it. I don’t want to do it.

A broader character flaw is just a lack of follow through.

I can start the program, but I can’t keep it up.

 

I quit going after three sessions.

Wouldn’t you know, going to therapy once a week is a program.

I warned her, during our third session.

I admitted how unmotivated I had been to go,

How badly I wanted to cancel my plans.

 

I cancel a lot of plans.

And she asked me, bluntly,

What would happen if I quit coming.

And she asked me again, when I gave the easy answer,

that I wouldn’t get the change that I wanted.

 

Aren’t there other ways to get that change, she poked.

Well, yes, I pondered. Meditation, journaling. Supplements.

And for a moment I felt empowered, because there were so many ways to take action.

But it slipped away. I knew the solution to my problem all along, I told you,

But I can’t keep up with the program.