11pm

Hey Daddy;

It’s me again. I know it’s
tedious hearing from me
over and over again-
I just can’t seem to stop
reaching out to you

I was thinking about
you today-
I received a wheat penny
at the store today and I
almost broke down

I didn’t though
and I know I’m going to be
alright. That I’m not ready
to see you again just yet

That’s ok though- As much as
I miss you-
There’s so much I am doing these
Days

I’m making friends
I have a job I really like
I have family around me
I am living on my own in my
own place
And I like it.

I don’t have much time right now
to tell you everything that has
been going on because there is
just so much and so many things
going on with me I can’t seem
to narrow it down.

But I’m ok Daddy
I can let you go now
and I can and will survive
without you here on earth

That’s not to say I don’t miss
you daddy, because I do every
single day. But I’m strong now
and I will be ok.

I love you Dad, so much

Love me.

10pm

When I was young,
there was a longing
in my soul
in my heart

You have called me
Colorado
And I don’t understand why
you have done so

Could it be the mountains?
sitting there majestically
waiting for me to discover
it’s hidden treasures

Could it be where i’m meant
to end up in life and settle
down?
I’m not sure

Ever since I was a child
you’ve called me
time and again
you’ve called

Time and corcumstances
have stood in my way
I’ve yet to get there
but still you call

You’re like the unanswered
cry of my heart that refuses to
be silenced

I’ll be there soon.

9pm

Rain poured down
as I dodged around trash
under the cover of
my umbrella

I didn’t notice him until
I bumped into him as he
materialized from the
shadows of the
alley

menacing and dark
he didn’t scare me
although in hindsight
he should have

Momma warned me
about guys like you
but you don’t scare
me

I don’t even know why I’m
here talking to you, but my friend
said you could help me with my
problem

He held out his hand
covered in scars
covered in dried blood
waiting for what was his

It’s all there
Im not going to lie to you
do you have what I asked for

He barely glanced at what
I handed him and held out
a plain paper sack

This will get your little job
done; clean and simple
wear gloves and you’ll be fine

I needed something quick,
I wasn’t sure
you would be able to come
through for me,
you did, thank you.

Once you do this-
there’s no going back
you will have killed someone
and if the cops find you
they will put you in jail.

8pm

Cards from people that
I know

Pieces of clothing that
you used to own

A watch you never used
to tell the time

necklaces that I’ll never wear

Pennies we collected
that I won’t use to pay for anything

pictures of you that make my heart hurt
and make me shed tears

announcements of the day
you left me all alone
to face the world.
that’s all I have of you now

Memories

7pm

Don’t go into the basement
you might not like what you
find

They’ve always told me to
not go down there, but they
never explained why I shouldn’t

Every single time I tried to
they would redirect me
such a frustrating concept

Little girls shouldn’t go into
filthy basements, they’ll ruin
their dresses

One day, home alone
to the basement door
I slowly crept, checking
just to make sure I could do it

Coast is clear
Up on that chair
unlocked the lock
that was just out of
reach

It’s so dark down there
not a light to be found
in the darkness I think
I drowned

It’s so big-
I can’t understand why
is it another floor of the house
that no one lives on?

Is that laughter I hear?
I’m scared-
concerned-
Should I turn back?

There’s a lit door
on the other wall
it doesn’t look scary
at all

AH WELCOME WELCOME
IT’S NOT OFTEN WE HAVE GUESTS
PLEASE COME IN

There’s a mummy in the corner
a vampire on the couch
a big hairy dog opened the door
and someone with a cape up on stage
face hidden behind a mask

They don’t seem too scary
don’t seem like I should run away
They even seem friendly
and misunderstood

They were wrong
I went into the basement
and I liked what I found

6 pm

Down the deserted road
I walk
unable to stop myself
urgently trying to get there
though I don’t know why
exactly

The bell from the old church
still rings out the hour
tonight though especially
it just seems so creepy

The street lights seem
darker than usual tonight
as I make my way into this
hallowed, eternal
resting place

I know where I’m going
I’ve been here at least a
thousand times
I could do it blindfolded

Up three statues
left by the old pine
up another four statues
back one row from the
road

You can’t seem to keep your
space neat and tidy
as I pick old dead leaves
off and brush the dirt away

I shouldn’t be here this late
so close to midnight
especially not on Halloween
but I know a guy, and he lets me
in after hours

I can feel a chill wind
picking up and I smell the
storm rolling in
when I hear a voice behind me

Welcome, We’ve been expecting you
and have prepared this place for you.

5pm

Im not going to lie
Mothers day really hurts this time
You’re not here to celebrate it with

I can’t give you
flowers or a kiss
no cheesy card
or hand made gift.

all I can do
is just sit here and
reminisce
think about the times
I miss

Holding me when scared
Telling me I was strong
Hurting when I hurt
Disciplining me when needed

How I cried so much
when you left
I know it was your time
to be with Jesus
But I’m so jealous

It feels like everyday is
rainy weather

4pm

I don’t know many verses by heart
I don’t lead a sunday class and
I don’t sing or play an instrument

Funny when you consider
my age
I’m old enough to
have it all together

But I don’t

In many ways, I’m like a child
I still need spiritual milk
and not solid food.

Someday I’ll get there
to where I can debate
you on religion
Just not yet

3pm

If I could make the clock unwind
If I could rewrite the story
the circumstances
Everything that’s happened

You’d be here

I would do so much different
I would spend more time with you
less with what didn’t matter

I’d treat you
like the queen you were
instead of the hag
I pretended you
to be

If only I could make the clock unwind
but that’s what makes regrets so bitter

2pm

I’m not gonna lie
This day really hurts this time
Because you aren’t here to celebrate
with us.

There’s no reason to buy
a card
a shirt
no reason to contact you
at all

You wouldn’t get it
Heaven doesn’t have
a phone number
or a way to contact you
You only exist now
in my memories

Everyone says
oh wow,
this much time has passed
You should be over the loss
by now
you shouldn’t be thinking about
or even mentioning him anymore

But how is that fair?
in this crazy, messed up world
How is that fair?

You were my father
you taught me so much
and you were and are the standard
by which I judge men.