9am- the last one!!

Happy
Nice
Polite
Perfect
Quiet

See the masks I wear
when I don’t want you to see
the REAL ME?

Everything I do to hide what goes on
behind closed doors

So many different ones
specifically designed to hide myself
from you

I’m afraid that you won’t like the real me.
that you won’t love the real me
Deep down inside I wanna scream at you
tell you

SEE THE REAL ME DAMN YOU

see that I am NOT happy
or perfect
I am sad
and I am imperfect.

I want you to accept me
but how can that happen
when you choose not to see
the real me

8am

there comes a time-
When it doesn’t comfort-
doesn’t help-
doesn’t work anymore
There comes a time when
you know-
It’s time to move on
time to stop
time to put the past behind you
There comes a time
when someone comes
into your life
and inspires youto stop
This is your time to stop
to put it away to change
to move onto say-
I AM FREE!

7am

The words that I just can’t say
Are the ones that would let you
in and leave me exposed
the one way that I am truly
vulnerable

The only thing that scares me
right now
the glint of metal
the sharp edge painful to the
touch
the edge coated with the red
paint of my body

As you can well guess
I’m returning to the signs of
the addiction
The want- no- need- to cut
to feel the pain
that little burning that signifies
the opening of the skin
to let the blood run free

Damn

Not a moment, second, an hour
goes by where I don’t think about
doing it.
Where I don’t think the irrational
thoughts again
All I want to do right now is die
I just want to be free

6am

For Christ was born this day
And extended the most beautiful
Gift to you and I

It didn’t come wrapped
in pretty paper and bows
It came wrapped in his blood
In his sweat and in his tears

On this day, when Jesus
Knocks on your door
Will you let him in
Or slam the door in his face

I pray, you would open the door
Even if you already know him
Not because it’s right or proper
but because you want him to come in

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas
and happy new year

Remember:

If he knocks- Answer
If he calls- Listen
If he is silent- Seek him

5am

what i would do-
just to go back in time…

Just to be able to-
save her
right my wrongs
do things over

What I would give
to be able to see her again

4am

Hey there
I haven’t seen you in awhile
I’ve called and texted
but you’ve not returned any
that’s why I’m here on your door
step

Let me in

You look like hell man
your clothes are flithy
you house looks like you haven’t
cleaned in months
and I’d say you’re not sleeping

because you look pretty rough
around the edges
What can I do to help you?

Talk to me

Today was gonna be the day man
I had everything planned out
I had things ready to go, was going
live today, and then just, well…
How can I say this

I was going to kill myself

The walls were closing in
I wasn’t myself anymore
everything’s just so hopeless
I feel like I’m crawling out of my
skin

I don’t really want to die
But I’m just so miserable
anymore I just don’t know what
to do.

Help me

First thing first
We are going to get you the
help you need.
I’ll be right here holding your hand
if you want me to

3am

Trust

So Hard to give
Yet so easy to break
even easier to just shatter
Why would I give my trust

All I’ve had was someone
Tear it down
Rip it apart
Stomp on it
And leave it
to rot away on the floor

Never had someone
not stomp on it
or use it for a punching bag
So why would I give it?

You didn’t deserve it
but I gave it
I followed you around
Like some starstruck teen
and you used it

twisted it
around
for your own purposes
your own agenda

He didn’t deserve it
I gave it again
despite its fragility

He built it up
Just to watch it fall
as I lay there

Shattered
bruised and broken
but still there

still willing to give it
still willing to be opened
and stomped on
torn apart
and shattered

Has anything changed?
Its still there
still given freely
still abused

Still shattered at the end of the day

2am

it seems like just last year
you were a little baby
brought into this world
all cute and adorable

I blinked

You started kindergarten
learning colors and ABCs
learning so many things like
reading, math, and sports

I blinked

You went to junior High
still cute and adorable
but with the addition of
an attitude

The whole world was against
you and you were trying to find
your place in this world

I blinked

So how is it that today
you’ve graduated high school
and we stand here celebrating

Where did the time go?

1am

A chance encounter
Not remotely expected
But appreciated just the same

We’ve known each other
fifteen years or more
never really spoke
Never really noticed each
other

You came in
it was late
we started talking
and it was like we connected

I learned a few things about
you tonight that I didn’t know
before
and I am grateful for the chance

You’re the one that I can count on
to be there
to listen
to keep it real

You say you don’t have a heart
you do, it’s just frozen
you say that you don’t really
believe in God
I’m still going to pray for you

If a moment like this
never happens again
that’s ok
I’ll treasure what we bonded
over regardless.

12am

All of the times
you tried your best
to break me down
to wear me down enough
to throw in the towel

Everytime that You whispered
to me that I was nothing
I’d never be anything
I would never get anywhere in
my life

When you would send people
into my path to try and make me
stumble and say there is no God
It didn’t work

You tried to hit me with your best shot
well guess what?

YOU HIT LIKE A GIRL

All of the times that I could
have followed you
instead of fighting so hard
to survive you
Guess what

I’m still here
And I’m not done fighting

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