The Poetry Marathon

Most would say you don’t deserve to be forgiven
That I should just forget you like you were just a ghost of a heart broken past
A mistake that shouldn’t have had the chance to last as long as it did
But they didn’t have their mind on Jesus
See who am I to decide who deserves forgiveness, when I don’t deserve forgiveness my self
But yet Christ gave His life so that my screw ups wouldn’t be the deciding factor to the end of my story
So here I am to say I forgive you for all the things you will probably never admit
I’ll stand with open arms to accept the apologies that I may never get
And I want to say thank you for teaching me that I’ll be forever unhappy if I live with regrets

Everyday I catch them staring
Trying to figure out if they should trust me
Trying to decide whether they should give
Or if they should pretend I don’t exist
But out here I am invisible whether they physically see me or not
I feel worthless
It’s like every time I try to dig myself out of this pit I slip In deeper
Every night is almost always sleepless
Trying not to get raped or robbed
Praying that it doesn’t rain
I’m fighting for life but all they’ll ever see is a beggar
Or someone pretending to be
SO I AM INVISIBLE
I’m invisible because they will never know my story because they can only see my situation
Or at least part of it
They will never know me because they are afraid to ask
I will always be someone who probably didn’t try hard enough
To them I’m just a good deed to help them get one step closer to heaven

This is for our second set of parents
The ones with fifty shades of colors
To fill in most of our gray
This is for ones that seek to give more than FCAT skills in hopes to increase their pay day
This is for the ones that care more than the average
This is for our teachers
Fitting right in between
Parents and preachers
Plastering the walls of our minds with great knowledge
This is for the ones who become the love that some children will never get outside of school walls
This is for the ones that become the yes to our No
I can’t make it
This is for the ones that educate us with more than just a packet of words just to keep us busy
For the ones that give us the opportunity to do more than just fake it till we make it
This is for you
The one that became a lifeline to our deprived minds
For you
The one that turns idle minds into a breeding ground for greatness
And because your life exudes your dedication and determination
This one’s for you
This is my salute
to you

For days I struggled to find the right words to say
For days I tried my hardest to configure the perfect word play
See for days I demanded my mind to find time to develop words that would bring us even closer together
My family
For you I wanted these words to be of something special
Not the typical remember when …
Or a consistent floetry of me reminiscing
See our love is stronger than any memory could ever display.
Our bond is unbreakable
For it was created, mended, and sealed by God
And I can be nothing but thankful that God decided to bless my life in this way
And to our Angels
Gone but never forgotten
Thank you for planting the seed of our family’s love in such fertile soil
Allowing our roots to grow far, wide,
And deep into his word
Keeping us strong and unmoveable
In the face of the devils mischief
Thank you for teaching us the importance of supporting one another
No matter how much physical distance may come in between us
Thank you for being the role models we needed to continue a legacy unspoken
And thank you for always keeping God 1st giving us the key to solving all of our problems and surviving all of our obstacles
May these words fill each of your souls and take a place in your hearts
My family
In your darkest moments remember that we are each others light
and We Are
The epitome of love and togetherness

Confessions
A sinners blessing.
Confessions
Where problems are layed bare
Sins never seem scarce and
Judgement isn’t rare
Confessions
Mines, yours, his ,and hers
All different
But equal
Bc no sin is greater nor lesser
Confessions
The way we make up for our human faults.
Those ought nought’s
And we really should not
Situations that we do any way bc we know that there’s always room for another
Confession
even though most us take them and Him for granted
There’s always that comfort that cluttered rooms of sin will always be disintegrated
As long as we submit our
Confessions
Something society has subjected to being nothing more than a excuse/reason not to live solely by Gods truth
Confessions
Dear people of God
What good is a confession with no revelation
Do we really have to wait for the torment presented in the book of revelation
To realize we need God to change our future destination
Confessions
I don’t know about you but I’m not willing to let my eternal destination be solely dependent on how many times I utilize my
Confessions
With no change in the mist of all my transgressions
No true repentance exist
Without a change in our way of thinking
Time to start migrating
And stop worrying about our earthly reputations
For the world is not the provider of our blessings
And it is only in his word that we will find true salvation
It’s time to turn our backs on the world
And take heed to the true meaning of
Confessions

I remember the nights you use to love me without distraction
The days you were relentless with your passion for us
I remember the fairytale you planned out
And I remember the day you tore it apart
I blamed myself
For the destruction of the pedal stool I thought you once built for me
I thought my lie was the reason for our disconnect.
So I tried harder
Harder to please you
Harder to satisfy you
I wanted you to know you were my everything
And when you threw that away I felt as though maybe I just wasn’t worth it
For months I was uneasy and you made it seem like I was just jealous or paranoid
Like it was nothing
You were just busy
But I knew you
I know you
I’ve been with you when you were busy but it never stopped you from loving me
That was your first mistake
You should have never shown me that what you later said was impossible was possible
You shouldn’t have forgotten the time when you were in love with me
Your actions
The consistency
You forgot because you were distracted
Your mistake was not thinking I would notice the little things
Your mistake was not knowing I would
But you know me remember
You had me down packed o
So why wouldn’t you realize?
There were small inconsistencies that I never mentioned because I didn’t want to be right
I wasn’t blinded by love I just chose not to see
I wanted to give you a chance to actually be different for me

For all the people that have their own agendas for me and what I do with my time today

Please under no circumstances assume that I will agree to follow suit

The thing is

I don’t want to

Atleast not today

Today is my day and I need you to respect that

Today I need you to actually listen

Let the words  actual penetrate your limbic system

I need this time for me

And I know it may come as a shock

I get it

You are use to being the director of my symphony

Creating and replacing the notes of my melodies in the way that it “should be”

But today is not the day

Today my music will sound exactly the way I want it to

They wanted me to write an unwritten story

Something different

Something unseen by the human eye

But who am I

what did they see in me that I couldn’t see

As if they saw an unforeseen talent

As I sit here with thinking of how impossible their request is

Self doubt

Tearing away at the little self faith I had left

Filling space with ” I cants” and “I’m not enough”

Struggling to see what they see

I’m trying to see what they see

But it’s as if my eyes have been glued shut

My hands bounded together so that I can’t pry them up

Depression is a strong allusion

I just can’t let forget that there is hope in my reality

She was just a girl that lost her way

And couldn’t seem to get back on track

A misfit

Misunderstood and misdirected

Leaving pieces of herself with every step

Wondering

If she will ever escape the part of her past that she leaves unspoken to many.

If placing complete trust in another flesh such as her own is only true in the fairytale stories that we read to children

Wondering

If she could ever get back to where she was meant to be

Does the light come before the darkness or is it just a powerful afterthought

And if it’s an afterthought should I hold my tears back until after the darkness

Just long enough for the light to act as the sun does when the streets are flooded