The Poetry Marathon

I hope…

I hope that I get moved into my apartment

before the end of this month

I hope that I get things done

at work before I get kicked out

I hope that I manage to earn my degree

within the next three years

I hope… I hope… I hope…

I used to disappear

Characters that would help me

A world that I found better

Kinder

More like the one I wanted to live in

Soft chairs

Piles of books

Hot tea

And understanding partners

I still wish I could disappear

While Anthony Bourdain can be quoted,

“I don’t know if bar-b-que is the road to world peace,

but it’s a good start.”

I would also like to submit pizza as another avenue

The combinations of sauce, cheese, and toppings

are almost limitless

Fine dining could charge $50 per pie

while the corner shop asks for $2 per slice

The food of kings and teenagers

Appropriate for any celebration

and welcome at any meeting

The ultimate temptation to college students

Everyone is equal at the pizza table

Round like the table Arthur set for his knights

We come together for food, friends, conversation, and debate

Until the box is empty

Running through the grass

whipping around my face

wind howling behind me

while the darkness consumes

chasing me

rounding the curves

I cut through the grass

even as it is chasing me

it is still running

Violins play from my phone

I breathe in time

I hate this part of the week

but this must be done

I disinfect the area

ready a second swab if needed

Pull the cap from the injection pen

and rest it on my thigh

I breathe in

grip soft fabric

and press down

healing fire fills my leg as I moan

I hold it down

count

then examine the leg

for bleeding from the injection site

I sit

stare

sigh

and dispose of the pen

I am living in someone else’s house

Decorations meant to soothe

but sharp edges cut my consciousness

None of this is mine

and while I am here I must care for it

Doorknobs run on electricity

and cameras viewing the outside world

I will be glad to leave here

Sometimes I hear him

at the back of my mind

or I hear him

in an empty room

his hand inhabits mine

and guides me

to a calmer state

I see him in the mirror

when I look too quickly

and unguarded

his eyes are mine

staring back at me

I call on him sometimes

when I know I won’t be calm

he says the words I need to say

and makes them acceptable

then push him back 

while he stares at me

waiting for me to accept him

I used to stare through tubes

of cardboard and plastic

watching fractals

and splinters of color

remix and reorganize

as they turn

in my tiny hands

and entertained me

for hours

Step one:

Open the box

Read the instructions on the box

Without spilling the contents of the box

Step two:

Spill contents of the box

Curse

Sigh with relief

That the contents are separately packaged

Step three:

Look for eggs in the fridge

Discover there are none

Step four:

Go to the store

Get wine, cereal, bananas

Pain killers

Step five:

Get home

Realize you forgot the eggs

Curse again

Step six:

Go to bakery

Buy brownies

Step seven:

Watch favorite movie

Eat brownies

Try to forget about bad day

The nurse who held my son all day

when he was going to leave the hospital

I wonder if she was thinking

about me

or the adoptive parents who would be arriving

that day to take my son home with them

I wonder if she held him all day

because she knew this day would be

the hardest on me

Maybe she did it

so he would be calm

and make it easier on us