The Poetry Marathon

We have come to an end

At long last

Eyes droop

Body sighs

Another year’s event

All tidied up into 24 musings

Sleep deprived

We face our computers

Giving it one last hurrah

The hour is late

The day was long done

Tomorrow is today

I am complete

I am shaken from sanity

The work is tucked away

Done Finished The End

Part One- I am my parents’ daughter

I carry their poverty

Their goodness

Their work ethic

Their sadness

Their height

Their love of music and books

Part 2

I am the youngest

Made fun of by siblings

I was the smallest

The weakest

Smart, but not smart enough

Always unable to measure up

In stature and in life

Part 3

Books saved me

Gave me a place to hide

Gave me a world to explore

Gave me hope in darkness

Gave me a family I could be a part of

Part 4

I was alone too much

I lived in fictional worlds

I made up in my head

At some point I wrote them down

That saved me

And destroyed me too

Part 5

I grew up in a town I hated

Sometimes I still miss it

Everyday I dreamed of better places

Still I am the Nebraska girl

But gone is her innocence and stamina

Nebraska is no place for a writer

Part 6

I found my soul

By letting go of the Bible

I found my heart

By being broken

I found my dreams

By running away

Letting go of everything I knew

I found my home

These hours

Climb one on top of the other

Stacked into infinity

Or three am

Same thing

My body hurts

My back, my head, my soul

Words are flying through the air

Coaxing me to grab them

But I cannot raise my arms

I am stuck

Stuck in these long hours

Fighting the reality

I really have nothing to say

Still I say it

Each hour

Placing one word on top of another

Stacked into infinity

Or three am

When the words will settle down

And I can sleep

The night has become a blanket of quiet

A quilt of solitude

Cat sits next to me

Tail swishing

A warning perhaps

He assists this poetry drivel

By batting my fingers

When they dance across the keyboard

I have insulted him with a kiss

Degraded him with attention

for now he faces away

He puts up with me for food

Yet he does care

Never leaves my side

Follows me out the door in the morning

Greets me at the garage when I come home

He finds me bearable

He knows I am devoted

And cats love being worshipped

He allows me this evening of poetry

For now as long as it doesn’t interfere

with my main duties as cat servant

I would sing at the top of my voice

If I could trust said voice

Across vast wildernesses and mountain ranges

I would echo through the canyons

Screaming my love

My hate, my contempt, my desire

Yes I love you

But you eat at my soul

You truly do

You always have

You are my purpose

You give me my identity and my consolation

You give me my bursts of eloquence

My moments of great achievement

But the pain

The pain, the indecision

Being unable to reach that pinnacle

Let alone have steady readers

I give and give

You take and take

I am raw

Wasted

Always searching for one more word

One more sentence

I grasp for sanity

and you rip it away

Be a writer I told myself

Now I wish I hadn’t listened

Success eludes me

Hope eludes me

But I hang on

You are my great love

I sing out to you

Reach to you for guidance

Wasted echoes

Wasted words

Wasted melodies

Wasted hours

You are a bitter lover

That seldom gives back

I will sing my love for you

I will never leave you

But sometimes I wish I could

Hello Darkness my old friend

I’ve come to talk with you again

We have done this so many times Darkness

We truly are old friends

Paul Simon knew what he was talking about

I have delved into so many consequences

Philosophies, regrets, personal testimonials

I have been frightened of you at times

Other times you sooth my soul

These days you a refuge from the heat of the day

And the long hours of sunlight and work anguish

I have had those visions softly creeping

Dreams, nightmares, imaginings, epiphanies

Darkness my old friend

I hope you can get me through again

Lend me your simple wisdom

Within the Sounds of Silence

Your voice comes thru

Teaching me, taunting me, but always honest

in your reflection.

Dear Sanity,

We have reached that place again

The hours grow late

The words jumble into something

I don’t even understand

Each year when we do this

You question me and my motives

Last time you packed your bags

But you returned, I’m glad you returned

This time I see you in the shadows watching me

Seeing me banter back and forth

With the computer, the cat and

the snacks which have replaced my husband as my companion

I know its difficult

It always is when poetry and lack of sleep are involved

But I like to think we have come to an understanding

We need each other

And although I abandon you often

Especially in these creative endeavors

I do need you.

You get me through those long reality filled days

Try to understand

It’s only temporary

It isn’t permanent.

Poetry helps us keep our relationship

I need my space away from reality

From the day to day

We will get through this night Sanity

You and me

We will sleep in tomorrow

We will find our bearings together again

Just hold on a little bit longer

You won’t regret it.

I have chosen to be blinded by you

To color my perceptions with a will of want

A will of wish, A will of neglect

I dare not see who you really are

It will scare me to see you in reality

You who own my heart

You wrestle my insanity

You waste my insecurity

Embrace my ineptitude

You challenge my perceptions

I don’t want to see you in the brilliance of sunlight

I prefer to walk with you in shadow

If I see you then you will see me

My naked shame would be too much

reflected in your eyes

So I choose to remain blindfolded

Lost in lies we tell each other

You take a single step

Followed by another

Moving as slowly or as quickly as you want

You make plans

Buy things

With your destination in mind

One foot in front of the other

You can change your world

The whole world

You can make things happen

Make dreams come true

And yes it comes to an end

Eventually

You have a new appreciation of where you came from

You see your world in a new light.

Then you do it again

One foot in front of the other

You carry what needs to be carried

You leave old baggage at the doorstep

You choose a new knapsack

You carry a new burden of your choice

You don’t have to take any steps

You can put the new shiny knapsack down

But why wouldn’t you want

To change the world?

With just a single step?

I was there

I saw it all

The way the sun mashed about the sky

Liquid all around me

Nothing quite formed yet

Moments of clarity followed by glubbing about with the other cells

We tried to match up, create something

But we were not organized enough yet

Not enough purpose in our DNA

But I was there, I remember it well

Swimming about in chemical concoctions

Waiting for form to form

I was there

At the end

The way the sun marched across the sky

The explosions, one after the other

Until everything was wiped out, everything but thought

We had tried to stop it, but we weren’t organized enough

We just whined about what was happening on social media

We cried at the end, we did

We glubbed around trying to stay informed

We watched as the chemical fried us and our bodies disintegrated

I was there, I saw it all

Watching all form destroyed