If Only (Prompt #4)

If only you had let me know
Maybe I could have helped
Things would be different
But you would still be here

If only you had let me know
I would have dropped everything
I still love you
And miss you with an intensity that scares me

If only I had listened more
Maybe I could have helped
Where was everyone else?
What was the final straw?

If only you had asked me
We would have found a cure
Things would be different
Your kids would have their father

If only I had known
I would take back those words I said
We might not be together
But you would still be here

Hollywood’s Door

Looking at the sign
I pondered

It was a lady/tiger decision
One that could not be changed

Would I choose eternity?
With all the world’s problems, I don’t think so…
But I don’t want to leave the planet just yet, either.

Several people with walkie talkies scurried past me and took the sign away
Time to strike set.

Comfort zone

i swallowed the longing
pushing it so far down
i forgot it was there

like i had done so many times before
i stopped counting
until today

this time, i started to weep
wondering what if i had followed that urge?
shattered possibilities twerked in my brain

happiness is overrated, i thought
as i crawled back into my rut

The Big Four

Fire boasted he was so powerful to anyone who would listen
when Wind came along, briefly fueling his ego
yet secretly longing to head in a different direction…

Earth threw himself on the political pair
Killing fire’s force and stomping wind’s whimsy

Water entered the fray,
washing away all hopes of fire’s dreams, wind’s ambition and earth’s strength

Think of the possibilities…
if these four would learn to function as friends instead?

peace or not?

I sit by myself.
Quietly.
I feel my breath move in
and out.
I want to shout.
To scream.
To feel emotion.
To feel something.

I look over and realize he is asleep.
Sound, fast asleep.
How can he do that? And so easily?

I’ve never felt so lonely
yet people know us as a couple.
A happy couple.
Who laugh and share.
What a joke. (on me.)
This makes me laugh out loud.
My giggle does not wake him.
Did I want that to happen?

A couple of years earlier
I would never have dreamed about this situation.
Either wanting it or being in it.
How did I get here, anyway?

Now I am trying to find a way out.

by the McDonalds at the TKTS ticket booth in Times Square

To others, it only housed the tourist information booth in NYC
but to me, it was the building that housed my dreams.
If you ever want to be in a Broadway show, first you have to audition.
And get picked.
Soooooooooooooooo

Nearly every day I’d go to audition and wait on the lobby floor.
A never-ending, exhausting process.
I got to know the security guards and other actors.

They talked of doing renovation
And we all wondered if it would really happen.
There’s a lot of “talk” that never happens.
Buuuuuut

This past July, we had a cool “sky lobby” on the 4th floor
where we can patiently wait until the Equity office officially opens at 8.00.
Like in life, the sooner you get there, the sooner you get an appointment and can head home.

I feel like we’re on a movie set.
I wonder how many tourists have never been there
nor do they wonder about our lives. All us working actors you can’t name.
To be fair…
Do we think of them?
More feelings flutter to the surface.

Regardless of structure or design, buildings can sure house a lot of emotions.

no time to rhyme

There once was a lovely girl named Sally
Who about her (sad) love life would dally

In other ways she was super smart
But had challenges in affairs of the heart

She only went out now and then
Her family thought her an old hen

Worked crazy hours — her friends said it was a ton
But wouldn’t stop ’til her 401(k) hit the big one!

Finally she met a fabulous guy named Mac
But on their first date had a heart attack.

Sadly, incredible Sally died
Her family stood by and cried
and warned her nieces not to end on that wrong track!

Silence: golden or stifling? or a modern blend?

Tasting old memories is sometimes bitter.
Today it is absolutely delicious.
An anticipated ice cream cone that melts quickly in a hot, carefree summer day.
My mouth waters, especially by that hole where the wisdom tooth used to inhabit.
Is my soul that starved?

Smelling a change.
Sniff.
Just a few days before the tears would not stop.
Can he be trusted?
I debate and settle on a definite maybe.

Hearing my friends talk of their current loves makes me smile and drift
along proverbial memory lane, sidestepping a few potholes along the way.
Where did I put my rose-colored glasses?

I touch the side where he used to be.
I can sniff his cologne if I burrow in his tattered t-shirt.
The one I wanted him to discard.
And now I’m the one who can’t toss it.
Or the related memories.
I miss him so much.

Will I ever get over dangerous habits?

Dear My Younger Self

Oh, dear, younger self,
do not fill your days with worry
and your time with Bad Boys’ boozy promises; they lead to broken illusions.

Oh, dear, slightly older self,
enjoy all that you’ve been given instead of seeing that which you lack.

Oh, dear, how did I get to be X years old self,
smile. Laugh. Forget the pain and remember the curiosity, the fun, you new lease on life. Life begins at X.

Oh, dear, older self,
learn to be proud of sagacity. Wrinkles are jokes shared. You’ve just done a whole lot of chuckling.
Find another younger lover to remind you that your tummy is a perfect pillow and not fat at all.
Share your wisdom with those versions of blonde=haired, scared girls who are mimicking your mistakes.
Thank your friends and family and start new habits.
Know that all is going to turn out just fine and fretting never helps.

Oh, dear, dear me. Thanks for always being there.

The Uncomplicated Fellow

The sinewy, exceptional sportsman, a rowdy monarch burst with pleasure, “Squeeze! Fascinate!”

His ecstatic, eccentric repartee seductive, brilliant, acknowledged and cherished.

Be forgotten that unconventional expedition! And perceive additional luxury.