why didn’t i love you enough?

poem#4
why didn’t I love you enough?

pushed past the hurt
pushed past the lies
saw an empty soul catching on fire
why didn’t I love you enough?

came out of the darkness
gave him all my light
exchanged a perfect fit for irregular
why, didn’t I love you enough?

you turned a deaf ear
when I needed you most
left me in tears, alone and hurt
why, didn’t I love you enough?

now I see what I feared so I stare at this same face
this me looking back in the mirror
and I’m asking the same question again
why didn’t I love YOU enough?

truth and discovery

poem#3

truth and discovery
we are all just pushing along-
struggling to be deliberate and independent,
determined to find joy where we can-
love in any form;
trust more,
hate less-
hope for satisfaction in what life has to offer;
making every effort to be grateful
to not complain-
to be accepting of all men
not be judgemental
not too loud
to stay woke and yet
get enough rest when our minds are tired
bodies stressed out.
here we all are
going along blindly
but claiming purpose
hoping for some sign-
some gift-
some light-
some brilliant epiphany-
when all we can really do
any one of us
is just be the best you that you can be.

yearning for you

poem #2
yearning for you

we reached for the paper cup at the same time
our hands slightly brushing against each other
nicely apologizing
I noticed your full smile right away
smooth brown skin and full lips and I smiled too

then several minutes later we were easily conversing
I remember picking up a fork but not really needing it at all
and realizing quickly that I was spun-
mindlessly letting the world fade away
while I stood lost in your eyes.

what is happening? I thought to myself
but the wave had begun.
now so many years later, I realize it can still engulf me-
that wave of yearning
fall over me like chocolate explodes in my mouth-
takes me instantly to some happy place in my head,
my heart-
my soul;
no matter how hard I tried, I could never quite fully
wash away the yearning for you.

The Elements of You

the elements of you

you grew me from a seed
and with kind words, soft touches, smiles and casual conversations
I sprouted out of the earth
out of love’s good soil

you watered me with may showers and warm baths
and walks in the rain
and my heart ignited like wild fires in a dry brush

your words carried me like dust in the wind
allowed me to see things in my mind’s eye
that I didn’t have vision for before you came along

now-
dry once again,
I am desperate to be submerged in black earth-
thirsty for your cooling rain-
hard pressed for the fire that only you can bring
I am waiting for the wind of your love
to blow again

the poetry marathon (the final poem)

what sweet victory do my eyes behold?
the sweetest story ever told;
how strangers came from every hand-
and wrote themselves a promised land;
and tainted not one single sound
but did indeed make love abound.
then in the final hour, spent-
gave their souls to words without repent;
and as their eyes did sleep pursue-
their brains turned off, just to renew-
to come back strong some other day-
to the poetry marathon and have their say.

maybe…maybe not

don’t know if this can last
if there is enough to spread across the pages
until a love story suddenly emerges
you have been quite masterful
the way you weave in and out of lives
like some magical houdini
and every woman seems to hang onto your every word
like you were e.f. hutton himself
but i scratch my head trying to see what they see
and while i must admit
you are quite charming
i see the fear in your eyes
and how the insecurity crops up in the tone of your voice
anytime the conversation shifts to real
and the part of me that enjoys a good challenge
always jumps to ignite
but the part of me that lives in reality
is very doubtful
that this fire will ever light.

childhood remembrance

if he never came back
there would be hundreds of sad little boys and girls
crying out for waffle cones
stamping their feet in the street for gooey caramel swirl
there would be some kind of uprise in the making
and tears overflowing for vanilla and chocolate single cups
and push pops alike-
and we would all rue the day
if the ice cream man ever went away.

4am thoughts

what comes to mind on a quiet night
with lights out and music playing in the background?
only your hands-
no, every part of you-
the way the moonlight hits your eyes
the way the corners of your mouth dance when you smile-
the way your right leg bows just a little
the way your skin feels underneath my fingers
the way the little hairs gather at the base of your spine
every single part of you
is up for grabs
and i reach
wanting only to be one with you.

maybe

who knows, together we may see our dream come true.
maybe…
if we let go
stop being afraid of truth
stop harboring anger in those little tiny pockets of our jeans-
stop eating in silence and feeding all our fears;
maybe we could be great together –
really knock this thing out of the park-
if we could speak life and words that build each other up
instead of tearing down-
if we learn to listen when the other speaks
to stay absolutely quiet and not be petty-
if we learned to care less about all the little things
as if we’ve had some revelation about all the stuff
that really matters.
maybe….just maybe-
we could start to dream together.

(The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman- last sentence of last chapter)