Heart Gallery (HR 22)

Welcome to my heart gallery
Let me take you on a tour
It all began inside my mother’s womb
Perfectly designed by the Father
Beating, designed to give me life
Once I made my exit into this world
My mother could no longer protect it
Here, to your right is the first sign of damage
It’s a little bruised but nowhere close to shattered
The description reads,
“The day her dad abandoned her”
Now to your left you will notice the damage is little more intense
Description reads,
“Abuse from someone who was supposed to love her”
Down the hall the damage has turned to small cracks from it being mishandled
If you look closely it reads,
“Suicide is never the answer”
Across from this one the damage is extremely noticeable
The description states,
“Gave to the wrong person. He used her and turned her into a single mother”
Behind this glass, this one is shattered but still in one piece
This one reads,
“Losing loved ones can you leave you hollow. Fragile, hold with caution”
As you can see in this glass case
This one has been completely broken
The description states,
“This is what happens when you lose your mother”
In this room you’ll see it’s been put back together
Cracks are still visible, held together with superglue
This plaque quotes,
“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Phil 4:13”
Let me end this tour with a reminder
Life won’t always give you kindness
Some people will love you
And some will come to kill, steal, and destroy you
But God has the finally say so in your ending
You can either let circumstances break you
Are you can use those trials and be an inspiration
Give it all to God and let Him heal you
As long as He gives you breath
You have a chance to start over
Thank you for coming!

Dear Ashley, (HR 21)

Forgive yourself
Stop blaming yourself for what you’ve been through
They told you it was all your fault
But they’re the ones who turned you into the victim
It wasn’t your fault
The abuse
The assault
You defended yourself…you fought
Forgive yourself
For feeling guilty over the pain they caused you
For having men who didn’t know how to act like real men
Who abandoned you
Who gave a constant reminder of you not being good enough
Who told you that you would never be worth it
It’s not your fault they crushed you
Or told you that you’re not beautiful
And I know in the end
It caused you to forget your purpose…
…it allowed Devil to make you to feel worthless
Please forgive yourself
For always trying to find the good in people
Even though the red flags were waving boldly
Wearing those rose colored glasses blocked your vision
You didn’t deserve how they treated you
They were being selfish
And they knew you were selfless
Stop punishing yourself
Unclench your jaw
Lower your shoulders
Breathe
They tried to destroy you
But God said this isn’t the end
Straighten your crown
But most importantly
Forgive them so you can…
…FORGIVE YOURSELF

Coming To An End (HR 20)

Everything around me is dark
Everyone’s asleep
The world is quiet
And I’m left here with my thoughts
  • The only light illuminating me is from my computer screen
Taunting me
Sleep is calling me
It’s spelling out my name
My body wants to give in
But my mind reminds me I have to finish
20 hours in
And I’m exhausted
My mind is shutting down
And my words are running into each other
But when I start something
I have to see it through to the end
I’m a poet…
…I’m tough
But I can’t wait to CRASH once I’m done!

Insomnia (HR 18)

Wide awake
Mr. Sandman where are my dreams?
Silence all around me
Chaos in my head
Blank stares
It’s 3 am
I should be sleep
But I’m sitting straight up in bed
My anxiety is playing tricks on me
The lack of sleep got me questioning my sanity
Snap back to reality
My heart is racing
I feel the panic settling in
The fear floods my insides
Here’s the start of the panic attacks again
Breathe
Pray
This has become a everyday thing
Anxiety
Depression
It’s real
And it’s a awful feeling
The stress always keeps me worrying
Even when I tell myself everything is okay
Sleeplessness has become my normal
There has to be a better way
At this point I can’t deny
I wish I could get my old life back
The one where my mom was still here
Back when everything didn’t weigh so heavy on my spirit
Back before I became an insomniac

Healing (HR 17)

It’s not the easiest thing to do

No one wants to dissect themselves

Nor open old wounds

But in order to heal you must revisit past events

Although you’ve been trying to forget

And you want to keep it buried deep

The pain you can’t avoid

Because it keeps resurfacing

The hurt will never go away

Until you learn the lesson it’s trying to teach you

If you refuse to accept its presence

It will continue to haunt you

You must face the demon head on

You have to address it

You must accept it

Forgive yourself

And release it

Healing won’t always feel like you’re on cloud nine

Most of the time it will hurt like hell

Some days will feel like sunshine

But most days you will feel your heart rip

You need to heal in order to move forward

And no matter how bad you feel

Remind yourself you’re breaking a cycle

You’re one day closer to freedom

You’re closer to your God given purpose

Let it go

Surviving Quarantine Together (HR 16)

Trapped in the house for weeks
Only able to communicate through phone calls and text
Every Saturday night watching Verzuz
Jammin’ late night to DNice in Club Quarantine
Dancing to Sister Sledge
Watching virtual poetry slams
Sending each other hug emojis until we were able to hug again
State starts to reopen
Everything isn’t as strict
What’s the first thing we do?
Hang out, hug, laugh…
…oh, how I missed my best friend!

Crazy (HR 14)

My skin’s a little tough

You have pushed me to a point that got me looking crazy

I told you to never take me there

I got this feeling in my gut

Someone is going to have come save you

I’ve had my share of “fuckboys” who like talking sideways

Until I put them in their places

I’m not the one to play with

You’ve been moving shady

You can’t even say my name, won’t even call me baby

Last time I checked I’m supposed to be your lady

But I found out that I’m not the only one you been with lately

I feel my anger coming out

Been sitting back holding it all in

Saving face so I can save my reputation

But you are hell bent on making me look crazy

I’ve been holding us down, while you been hoeing around

And when I confront you, I’m the one who’s tripping

Until I caught you both in my home

This whole situation is toxic

This situation is all wrong

Now I’m slashing out the tires on your car

I already got your windows and no I’m not even sorry

I’m angry that you even got to me that point

And I know it’s going to cost me and I’m not even worried

I’m all out of fucks and I’ve ran out of patience lately

I’m about to put you in your feelings baby

Since you wanted to play me

And call me crazy

I’m going to show you crazy

And you don’t know about crazy until you see my side of crazy

And trust me in the end you’re going to hate me

But this is the way you made me

So you’ve got no one to blame but yourself

It’s A Shame (HR 13)

She gets to see the better side of you

The one I never got to see

She gets to be showered with gifts and love

When I was with you all I seen was excuses

Now you want to be a new man

Go figure…

You used to be all about yourself

Now you’re with her and you’re selfless

I’m glad that I could be your teacher

Glad I could be a life lesson

Glad it was all at my expense

I’m the one who dealt with all your bullshit

I’m the one who had tears in my eyes from your lies

You never comforted me

All I was told was I was doing too much

I just think it’s messed up that she will never get to see

How much you messed up when you were with me

I literally gave you all my time because I was blind…

…I was patient

And although I try to remember all the good times…

…all the bad outweighed them

Trust me I could never be bitter

Because like Big Sean said,

“I don’t fuck with you”

Nope not anymore

I had to let you go so I could be my best

And let God determine if you’re going to be her blessing or lesson

I just find it funny that you thought we were still going to be friends

Oh, hell nah

I’m not worried about none of that closure shit

The way you did me will forever be your karma

All I’m saying is that it’s a damn shame I had to go through all that