The Poetry Marathon

The night was dark and quiet
When my soul forever changed
The stars hung like frosty diamonds
When my whole world rearranged
I walked all over town that night
Mourning all I’d lost
I didn’t care if I saw morning’s light
I’d have gladly paid that cost
For I could see my future
As clearly as the sky
Decades of soul changing pain
(It’d be easier to die)
Almost a year has passed since then
And it’s still a living Hell
But I’ve learned to love without you
As I’ve learned to hate myself.
~Mandy Kocsis©2020~

You were so much more than your ending

But that was long ago

Long before your alcoholic demons took your soul

Long before you lost yourself to the bottom of the wells

Long before we hit this fucking town that I call Hell

You used to be a fighter, and a father, and a man

You used to be my husband, my lover, my best friend

Then alcohol, it changed you

Like Jekyll into Hyde

When I saw this day was coming

I left you, and I cried

I should’ve left the first time Hyde put your hands on me

I should’ve left the first time you caused me to bleed

I tried so hard to save you, did everything I could

I hope at least some part of you inside understood

I hope you’ve finally found the peace you never really found

In the bottom of the bottle that you built your life around

I hope that it was painless when the angels took you home

And I hope you finally understand just why I had to go.

~Mandy Kocsis©2020~

I don’t know what’s worse

That I finally gave in and believed

Or that you promised you’d stay

Only to turn around and leave.

I guess it doesn’t matter, anymore

Except I’m here, and you’re not

Surrounded by our broken dreams

Once so full of happiness

Now shattered at the seams

But I guess it doesn’t matter, anymore

I’ll survive, (it’s kinda my thing)

Someday I’ll smile again

Someday I won’t cry for you

Someday I’ll be strong, again

And it really won’t matter, anymore.

~Mandy Kocsis©2020~

Ingredients:

1. Determination

2. Steel

3. Will

4. Diamond dust

5. Faith

Made of determination

With a core of steel

More than a dash of fury

And a concentrated will

Dip 3 times in diamond dust

Add in any rival

Mix up well & toss with faith

And you’ve a recipe for survival.

~Mandy Kocsis©2020~

She’s everything I’ll never be
Strength wrapped in a smile
Every time life knocks her down
She gets up with a growl
“Gimme whatcha got!!!”
She screams at the sky
“You’ll never fucking break me!!!”
Wastes no time on “why”
She’s taught me survival
Unlike any other
Everything I am, today
I owe to my mother.
~Mandy Kocsis©2020~

#poetrymarathon #hour1prompt1

My name is Mandy Kocsis, I’m 40 years old, and just published my first book of poetry, “Soul Survivor”, on April 16, 2020! I’ve never participated in the marathon before, but I’ve wanted to for years. Can’t wait!!!