2. (2019) Last Night… A Crystal Rose Colored Dream

Standing next to a telephone pole,

In a waitress uniform.

Sweat dripping from my brow.

 

I’m waiting for him.

My brother is on the other line.

I had no idea that these blue-signed pay-phones still exist.

 

Looking at my self from a distance.

Lucid eyes bring me back in time

To a foreign land I once lived in long ago.

 

I left fresh cut roses pink and red coupled with wild flowers on a mahogany table.

The butcher paper was strewn about with green tissue paper.

My mother said, “Don’t worry it’s not safe here.”

 

“Leave it be.”

There will be more.

She was not worried as we drove off together.

 

Translation:

Do not look back to try and capture beauty, no matter how you are attracted to its nature.

Your safety is far more precious than the cut flowers that someone else will tend to and appreciate.

Leave beauty behind if you must, you find it anew.

 

Flowers will grow and be cut later after summer solstice.

Do not fear.

Beauty and love is in your heart; you take it with you everywhere you go.

 

Flashback to the diner,

Waiting for my brother,

Feeling proud.

 

I took off  my earrings.

Rested them on the counter, on a paper napkin.

One broke open and the other broke in two.

 

Both were in a crystal casing with silver knobs.

One was cracked

Revealing a resin filled with the sweetest tasting logwood honey.

 

Love still lives…

All rights reserved copyright (c) 2019 Natasha Vanover

14. “Dear Former Self”

You are more than who they said you would be.

You drove in cars to the family reunion

Trying to reconnect with a family that would leave you in a far off summer dream.

 

Dreaming of roses and rhubarb corn and kohlrabi

Not forgetting tales of white-tailed deer in the far off fields.

 

One day you’d swim in a pool.

A pool of self doubt.

 

You never needed to fit in.

You never thought you were not enough.

For who …

 

You listened to your grandmother,

as she recollected that “She takes everything so literally.”

She was not even referring to you.

And somehow you became that side bar conversation.

 

When your mother thought she was a “rolling stone”,

you took it literally and fell into a mindset that went against everything you were taught.

Your mother taught you to love yourself, to know thyself, and to respect life in all its complexity.

 

So why did you hold on to the negativity?

You never say never, yet now you are saying it now.

Never did you need their approval.

 

They were in the background.

Your father’s sister hid your family picture on your grandmother’s deathbed.

The others the distant relatives you once knew were kind, yet the ones that were the closest  wished that you would fall behind.

 

But you could never fall because you were born from Grace and your life would be filled

With love and loss and you would rise again from a broken heart.

Family as you knew it would never be the same.

 

You would learn that family is only a small part of your lineage and your line, but you must find a way to love despite the deep seated pain.

And so I did.

All rights reserved copyright (c) 2019 Natasha Vanover

23. Father Figure

Father

Father

You taught me how to throw a spiral football.

How to play tennis, and golf, and so many other sports I can hardly keep count.

When it came to tennis you are always willing to play.

 

I wish I understood football more, not soccer so much, my younger brother taught me that.

I wish we were closer now that you moved.

You and mom are as far away as you can be, but thanks to technology we can talk and video chat when you are free.

 

You’ve read so many books that I envied your tenacity lovingly.

“The Prophet” by Kahlil Gibran, Historic novels by James Michener, even “The Hobbit” …

One day I’ll get to them all…or at least a few.

In the meantime I’ll take up a basketball game when my body heals and celebrate the Raptors winning the championship…

 

All rights reserved copyright (c) 2019 Natasha Vanover

24. Love more

Love is so much more than I could ever understand.

I thought I would have to cry.

I believed I would have to hurt.

I imagined it would be a strain.

I was never so wrong.

Our love was not born in vain.

True I did all the above.

I know it’s hard to judge.

I had no need to be jealous or heartbroken in the least.

Your love always made me feel light as a dove,

Even when I thought I was not good enough for love.

The kindness you gave to me I was not ready for.

Your heart is strong like your love.

I have to protect it from any harm.

Thanking God from above.

I cherish so much more than I can say.

I live in gratitude each day.

 

All rights reserved copyright (c) 2019 Natasha Vanover

22. Sorrow

Sorrow takes us by surprise.

We are not ever prepared of how it can take our breath away.

It hurts to hear a mother cry or a brother at a loss.

We fly from miles away to bring solace to those who we love the most.

My heart can not feel the depth of the pain you feel today.

Please take care as you rest tonight.

I know daylight will come soon.

Just as the sun will eclipse the moon.

Summer, Fall, Winter, and Spring

Will remind you of all the beautiful moments

You may think you have lost.

Unveil each memory with a gentle hand and tender heart.

Love lost will be renewed.

 

All rights reserved copyright (c) 2019 Natasha Vanover

17. “The land knows you , even when you are lost.”

“The land knows you, even when you are lost.”

She sends you messages in the dreams that you have as you sleep.

The land is neither male nor female, yet she feels like a mother to you.

Her heart is strong.

She tries to lead you to rivers and tributaries that connect to the sea.

Her mind is curious as can be.

She teaches you to follow Orion in the sky.

Find your compass like the birds and butterflies who fly.

Finding their way home

Like you who will never be truly lost.

 

All rights reserved copyright (c) 2019 Natasha Vanover

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