The Poetry Marathon

A woman cries salty tears into her cereal bowl.

Beaten and stressed she wails as she fills her problems with soggy Cheerios.

Three bowls in she stops, her stomach bloated and stretched. Her sorrow still floats in the milk that fills her distended stomach.

The cereal is all that’s left and she throws the box out the door with a sob.

Brown circles of processed wheat flies like hail stones against her car.

The box flops dead on the sidewalk.

Only to become a bed for her fat grey cat until morning, when her children scream, “Mommy we’re out of cereal, the cat stole it!”.

The mothers mouth still tastes of milky vomit as she gets out of bed and makes the children oatmeal instead.

Wishing I could join and watch too.

Stupid cable.

Who, who, who?

Hero? Anti hero?

All the same when your 2000 years old.

Dinosaurs. In space.

Love and so much nerdy awesomeness.

I want to watch like everyone else.

Dammit.

Clatter. Noise. Dirt. Blood. Detergent. Toilet paper. Dog hair. Snuggles. Food. Music. T.V. Crafts. Money. Kids. Chaos. Family.

Love.

This is Home.

1

Heart like a grenade

Around you I’m liable to explode

Boom

There I go

Smashed into pieces

2

Your spirit animal should be a bulldog

Stubborn.

Pigheaded.

But lovable and sweet.

Like hugging a brick wall wrapped in cotton

3)

Strong. You are so strong.

Yet there is this tender soul under it all.

You let me in.

I let you in.

We are have intertwined. There will be no separating us now.

4)

You saved my life.

There was no point before there was you.

There would be no point after you.

5)

Your eyes burn golden in the afterglow

I love to watch them burn

Like I light you on fire from the inside out.

I wonder if my eyes burn blue at you.

I’m burning inside too.

6)

Gear everywhere

Gear and trash

Helmets and boots

Flashlights and scanners.

3am firecalls.

You steal my damn flip flops again

Smoke and sweat smell in my car for days.

7)

You have no idea that your worth is more than your father taught you.

You are digging your own hole of your insecurities under a blanket of his neglect and lies.

We could all drown in those lies.

8)

You love to be obnoxious and drive me crazy.

I put up a fight.

But I really love it because you only do it cause you love my reactions to things.

9)

You make me feel safe.

Like no one else.

Home.

10)

We walk hand in hand together.

There is no where else I would rather be than with you.

Love has taken me to you.

Forever.

Math.

I hate math.

Equations. Sum. Division. Multiplication.

Symbols and numbers in a swirling confusing tornado.

I am built for words.

There’s a fire. You rush out of bed and take another layer of rubber off my already bald tires. I wonder what you would do if the tire blows. Probably steal your brothers bike to get there.

Fire-fighting hero. Can’t get enough of the rush. Come home smelling of peoples burning lives. Houses in ruin. Possessions turned to ashes. You have been lucky. No burning bodies. No death smell on you yet. I dread the days to come.

Your soul is beautiful and tender. You’re my sweet, beautiful love. I don’t want to see their corpses reflected in your eyes. I am selfish. They don’t matter to me. You do.

I tell myself that when we have children you will keep your promise. You will quit. I know it isn’t true. You are brave. You have to prove it to him.

Father.

Fire-fighter.

Fighter.

Fire.

Failure.

But only to him,

Never to me.

That’s all it takes. Fuel, heat, and room to breathe.

Soundlessly wandering the beaches of dreams

Grey waters sweep the sand out from under my feet and wash me away.

Do I give in or do I fight?

How much longer can I battle the ceaseless current.

It has no aching muscles that tire and fail. No bones to break and splinter.

No memory to forget, only oblivion.

White moon beach of my dreams. Like a Cheshire cat grins.

Pulling me with mystery. What waits on the other side?

I bleed my consciousness down to the last ounce. Suck every wonderful drop

Hazy eyelids droop. Wake and find a word.

Maybe two.

The dogs bark and skitter across the room. Awake again for a while,

The grin winks into the distance, but only for a bit.

It stalks from the shadows and corners of my mind.

The pavement is rough under my knees, scrapping them into a bloody pulp. But I don’t feel it. I only feel the rush.

I feel my heart pounding in my chest like a runaway train. Fingers knotted in my hair and pulling, it must be painful, but right now it’s making the blood roar in my ears.

It is rough and quick. Pounding. Pushing. Panting and growling like fucking dogs. Later we will lick our wounds clean. There is nothing pretty about tonight. I am consumed by pain and pleasure. Into the night we hide ourselves away, but not enough. Flashlights illuminate bare skin, steal our pleasure, replace it with a different rush. Run! Don’t get caught!

Laughing into the night our hearts sing.

In my mind she lives alone.

She has never existed in this world.

She is made imagination and hope.

Blue eyes. Raven curls. Freckles across her cheeks. Dimples and laughter.

She is ours.

The perfect combination of both of us.

Every good and beautiful future.

She is named.

More than sometimes I imagine what it would be like to just disappear

from everything.

Drop it all. Leave everything. A rucksack and a duffle bag and just

walk into the woods.

Look up into the stars as the snow falls soft on the trees.

Blissful silence. Snow-quiet. Cloud of breath into the dark, just the moon

illuminating the water vapor in the air.

Not even the skittering of animals can be heard.

The breathing moving under current of life that runs deep under the brush.

Like blood under our skin.