The Poetry Marathon

Drawing Conclusions
before the experience
was all I could do
Any place I ever went was within car range

You can hardly feel the bumps and bruises of travel in the air
and on planes no humidity happens
just turbulence
just pressure
just sound
and prayers
I pray more in the air than on roads

Scrunching up my nose
there is no air to smell up there

You meet the night’s sky in it
it was memorable
planning to go by myself
leaving my children for the first time
feeling full of adventure and falling in love with the space in between

They do
take care of us
my mother made a choice
to grow them around her children

They were like peace
making my mother show up
to care for them
as they cared for her back

the respect she gave them
the beauty and peace they gave her in return
she exemplified her truth in the plants that she cared for

They aligned our living room window
Providing her with comfort
before she left to face the world

Her plants are her wonderland
and I imagine she started caring for them
after her mother
shes truly nature

I should have muscles
its been over 2 decades since I started wearing it
Still I do it daily as a morning routine
pampering my armpits

Without it,
Perspiration will have you smelling like a yellow onion
chopped
baked in the sun
we all want that sun-kissed glow
and our under arms to feel like its been covered in milky oil
some like to keep it simple with a powdered scent
I go for creamy pomegranate
avoiding too much regular
glancing in the mirror for a white streak check
knowing it will melt into the skin
and finish the job
of my morning routine

“For years the idea haunted me, and that night it returned more insistently than ever”
I wish I was an equalizer
one that changes dialogue
not one who has to walk on unfinished floors
answering where did you come from questions
One that doesn’t have to speak on behalf of someone else
before speaking about self
I wish I lived in a place
where every encounter was safe
where my son could walk home in the dark
where the ideas of someone haring him wouldn’t haunt me
Someone did
he called me 25 times
I missed the calls
all of them
he said you never pick up for me
he didn’t mean it
I just didn’t that day
too busy not paying attention
too bust muting myself at work
too busy muting my phone
Our lives changed after that
It’s not about St. Louis

Its not here
Safety
its all an idea
It feels now, like there is a kiln outside
and its monsoon season
where one wrong move
will send you cascading down a hilly footpaths

I wish I knew a safe place
but the world is beginning to feel too small for me
too small for us
too small for truth

Sometimes life shifts
and regardless we float forward
either holding on or letting go
but still time moves
with or without us

I drift to places with beautiful views I would rather be in pictures with
Gearing up to drink water from mountain tops
turning a lens on life
having a crucial conversation with nature

Oh, how I want to be in that place
of beauty rather than struggle
a place of one of a kind delights
feeling the warmth of adventures
shine over amethyst colored volcanic stones

Breathing in the thin air
as I mail myself away in postcards
to loved ones
who were too afraid
feeling there are no sweet spots to life

I would escape fast, leaving my past behind me
and walk forward down roads covered in tropical flowers
while I taste the clouds

I need to go away
cause the sun feels good there

Some things you can push through
and ignore
but others are a loss that you can’t even brush off
There are triggers
and your body punches you
causing you to self inject from reality
You learn to live in pain
In loss
and you stop breathing mindfully
when it gets too hard
you can still practice
and try to keep an open mind

Though it feels scripted like a well versed movie
When it arrives you ask yourself thorny questions
about whether it is real or deserving

They say it should be the first language spoken to babies
with coos, soft songs, warm blankets and warm milk.
Everyone doesn’t get this though
Some Mama’s are dragons
like they carry signs on their hearts saying closed until further notice
but those that are lucky don’t have the grieving unaligned struggle of cooing themselves to bed.

Those of us, who hugs feel good to.
Those of us who don’t grow mourning something they should have received
It’s luck of the draw
and I must have pulled the long straw because Mama did the best she could
and I forgive for all she couldn’t
I’m more and she never gets enough credit

Fireflies dance near that strange cottage. The trees are perfectly rowed in a treeline, waiting for battle waiting for something or someone masked to attack.

1. meow cat, meow, fireworks explode.
Trees and Trees in space trees and trees
question, do ghosts have hands, wait look Praise scream rewind and fast forward

Im no good at millenial lingo
Please emoji someone else

Its hard, to participate everyday.
I show up for work though, even when things get rough. I’m here still providing, caring, cooking through it all.
Parenting is bravery
It’s coming to battle without a shield
It’s exhausting
It’s worrisome
It’s rewarding in increments
It’s disheartening in the spaces in between
It’s knowing that you are all your kids have
So remember to love them
even in moments of despair

one day they will grow up, and this lone parenting season will seem over until it ends for certain.