This time of year
always meant so much
to me
for so long

Cookies and Christmas trees
decorations and snow
even presents and family
to yell with-
oh the chaos

I’m not gonna lie
It’s really hard this year
even though you’ve been
gone awhile-
stills cuts like glass
everyday

Bitter
so very bitter
everyone else is happy
WHAT ABOUT ME DAMNIT?!

Some days it doesn’t seem
like you’ve gone and others
well–
it’s the end of the world and
I don’t know how I’m going to
survive

This year I don’t care
about presents or
family or even
the food-

I just want to be left alone
I just want to be quiet awhile
want someone to understand
my pain
hurt
lonliness
and no one will

Dragging christmas trees
baking cookies and pies
music and impatiently waiting
laughter and the tears
even the anger

not those

mistletoe
presents
and snow
nope- not that either

there’s a difference
in my heart
my attitude
I barely notice it

so discontent
crying
where is my peace

What more is there
to my life
what more do I have to
look forward to?