I’m only with him on the good days. 

 

The days I swim across the chasm 

Filled with well-intentioned promises

That never carried us forward.

 

When I choose forgiveness over defiance,

Unzip my bulletproof vest and

Surrender myself for a moment. 

 

I let myself be lulled into complacency, 

Soothed by his temporary warmth while

We sit under a fickle sun

Both of us keeping our eyes on 

The not-so-distant storm.

 

We know the respite is short,

The bitter reality of addiction

Billowing back in stronger each time.

 

Our safe harbor grows smaller.

 

How many more times can my body

Carry me across this distance to him

Until he must meet me halfway

Or not at all? 

 

Am I worthy of that distance? 

I will be lost in the deluge of 

Broken promises and half-truths,

Calling his name until it’s only

My own voice echoing back.