Attention Dearly Departed,
I believe you are aware of the consequences of your actions and even your inactions. If by chance you are somehow ignorant of the aforementioned maladies of character and have perchance kept hold of some lofty idea of a Prince Charming coming to sweep you off to everlasting tranquility, please allow me to set you straight for time is fleet, yet far from complete. If you do not straightaway adhere to my advice you are more likely to encounter a happiness with the longevity of Prince Valium rather than Prince Valiant. I have therefore delegated myself as Ambassador of Superior Knowledge. As a longtime voyeur of you proclivities I have procured proper compunction such as the likes of you should find necessary towards mediating the deficiency of your conduct in the realms of your conscious. Please refrain from any disillusionment in my warnings as I am merely here to tell you that you still have time to rectify any and all situations heretofore withered unworthily. Heed my warnings for the good of your own sake or alas…je ne sais quoi.
Signed and furthermore adhered to by,
Yourselves of Future Times Abutted