Grape Gloss

I place an order online
from Home Depot for 2 cases
of Grape Gloss spray paint.
Popular color, they never have
enough in the store; I ordered it
shipped to the store one time
and an employee sold all 12 cans
before I could pick them up.
Easy order, ships in a few days.

I go about my life then realize
I never got the paint. Next day,
UPS leaves a sticky note on my door.
Sorry we missed you, be back tomorrow.
Except I wouldn’t be home. I call, get
a runaround, next day, get another note.
A little threatening, sending my order
back if I don’t sign for it. Sign for it?
I call, another waste of time.

Spray paint, do they think I am a child,
a teenager set to paint our neighborhood
gloss grape? I’m anxious, want to paint
porch flower pots, deck tables, things
I want purple. Finally, I get someone
on the phone who promises the driver
will be to me at 8 the next morning.

I set the alarm, go outside to prune roses,
weed gardens until he gets there, except
he doesn’t. Two hours later it is raining.
I give up and go do my errands. A final
threat stuck to my door. I lose my cool,
scream and threaten them. Next day,
I see the driver pull up; I secure the dogs
to open the door and sign and he waves
me off, tells me he’ll sign it for me,
smiles and leaves.

Hmm, why couldn’t the other driver
do that? Still annoyed, next time
I order it, I’ll request FedEx; I think
they will understand. After all,
their logo is part purple.

~ J R Turek Hour 15