content warning: depressing. talks about being in pain and is just. generally an upset poem.

i get so caught up in the reality
that i forget all about the pain.
divide and conquer. compartmentalize.
make it make sense. deep breaths.
try to stay sane.

how can i be doing so much better
but still be drowning?
it’s been a long time since i could last breathe,
and none of this comes easy.

i’m tempted to give up.
the thought makes my stomach hurt.
everything in me is aching
something in me burns.

who i was is not who i am,
although there’s similarities.
i try to manage it all the time
but get lost in the details of the shame.

pain is physical and emotional,
something i never quite shake.
i’m tired – of course i’m tired –
because it always feels the same.