FREE VERSE:
Never knew a visit to the ortho could truly make me smile.
Every word she said was uplifting, a term of endearment.
Who can feel the pain when kindness showers your very soul.
She explains everything in minute detail
and asks how you’re doing;
not that you can respond with a mouthful of cotton and stuff;
You make good use of your ASL.
If she doesn’t understand it, she understands smiles.
A thumb-up never fails.
She shares some of her story, her challenges;
you both empathize.
She compliments my dental hygiene;
I’ve heard that one before.
It’s ironic since I grew up without a toothbrush.
She’s always checking for my well-being
and asks me to tell her if something’s not ok.
She wants to know everything.
We take a break, and she walks me to the restroom,
Lying with head lower than body dizzies me out.
She makes sure I’m safe;
Nowhere else have I’ve gotten this kind of kind treatment.
We talk a bit then finish for the day.
I thank her for doing a great job and schedule next appt.
Copyright@2016 Martina Gallegos
I get so much information about the feelings of this unusual relationship through direct description of actions and feelings. It is good. There is a surprising lack of specific detail about each person-,why they know ASL or were raised without a toothbrush.
//She shares some of her story, her challenges;
you both empathize.// but we know nothing of the story and challenges, or how that empathy is expressed. We get a profound sense that there is a special care given, but how is not clear.
The central “gimmick” is that one person does all the word making- but we know not one word-and the thoughts and feelings of the other only.
The result is that I am ready to learn more, perhaps in a subsequent chapter. this feels complete and imcomplete at the same time.
I wonder of these features of much and little said are intentional,and that is the strength and non-strength of it as a whole,a matter of preference for thr reader
not a criticism- more a response
You hit the nail on the head. I seem to write very ambiguously, that’s my biggest challenge, or I’m too general. In this piece, the ‘talker’ wasn’t gagged. The listener had her mouth stuffed with cotton and other gadgets. Being more descriptive is one of my many weaknesses. I’m still a writer-in-progress. Thank you for the input.