A Mother’s Love

 

I am the mother of four babies.

I wonder how it happened, as I’ve never known a boy.

I hear my babies squealing, seeking sustenance and safety.

I see their empty eyes peering out from lifeless faces.

I want to feel their tiny heartbeats vibrate through my sore and swollen body as they suckle from my chest.

I am somehow broken; my babies all reject me.

 

I pretend there’s not a problem.

I feel my heart shatter into pieces.

I touch their teeny tiny baby bodies, nudge them with my nose.

I worry I have failed them. I fear all hope is lost.

I cry out in despair, trying desperately to breathe life back into my babies.

I am now a mother of none.

 

I understand now I was never a mother, but my body believed I was.

I say these squishy, squealing squeak toys have always been my babies.

I dream of fuzzy faces, of furry-footed foursomes that will one day call me MOTHER.

I try to listen closely as my master tells me we weren’t all made to be mothers.

I hope she’s majorly mistaken. Perhaps she’s confused and crazy like I was.

I am a childless Chiweenie, desperate to be a doggy mama.

 

****An I Am poem is composed of three stanzas of six lines each. The beginning of each line is provided (highlighted here by bold print), but where the journey leads is entirely up to the author. The inspiration for “A Mother’s Love” came from the true tale of Twinkie, our not quite six year old Chiweenie who actually does go through false pregnancies about twice a year. For roughly a week, she will whine and cry and make nests from bunches of blankets, contorting her little body in hopes her “pups” (various animal squeak toys which she carries everywhere with her) will finally feed. Eventually, she realizes her time to mother has ended again, at which point she will typically tear the faces off of her babies and leave them laying around for us to find.****