We were picking our favorite scent
when someone said sweat and peppermint
were called Union, but he pent
up to recall an accident
in which he tore a ligament
and swore at the vice president
of his chapter. Forms went
unanswered and it put a dent
in his cheer and he spent
all his backpay to stay current.
He repaid what a brother had lent
but never forgot the wrong intent.
(I’ll have to tweak this; I have not got the right syllables per line or the right end word syllable. Call this a marker for a better attempt at this form.)
I like to try different forms. I had never tried this one before. I had to read up on it. I think you did a pretty good job. I think forms are not made in stone. I write a lot of the Japanese style: Haiku, Haibun, etc… and modern forms are not the standard 5-7-5 in the Haiku. Sorry to be so long winded but dont tweak too much. It looks pretty good as is.
Thank you, oxmtch11. I would love to observe the demands of the form and then flout them successfully, but that is probably better done by someone much more practiced in them than me. I gave myself a few to try with mixed success. If anything, I failed sideways and kept writing.