shirl

  • I prefer this one to #21. Your images — for the most part — speak to me more than #21 and I identify strongly with this first step on your journey.

    Two lines I found problematic:

    1. “Brim with confidence”
    I liked it on first read but reading the other lines in this stanza and the next, I wondered why you didn’t use a verb that plays…[Read more]

  • shirl commented on the post, Waking Dreams 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    This one. I like how the first stanza seems to be about how the speaker, like a child, doesn’t want to fall asleep so they won’t miss anything. Then turns round with those last 2 stanzas saying almost the opposite. Waking up is the disappointment because the dream is so much better than reality. Clever to use the word “really” as the turning…[Read more]

  • shirl commented on the post, Longing 3 months, 3 weeks ago

    I like how this poem turns the title and speaks not about what is longed for but about what is never spoken. Each line feeds into the idea that a voiced longing is like a birthday wish; it won’t come true if it’s spoken. Your lines also feed into the twist you’ve established. I particularly like the contrast in the image of humorous pixies,…[Read more]

  • shirl commented on the post, # 23 Nudge 3 months, 4 weeks ago

    Not only did I get it, I enjoyed it! Perhaps others who read it don’t understand that Hyde reference or the complexity of the character.

    Beyond that, I see the J/H dichotomy, with J being the one with imagination though it was Hyde’s idea for “social pretenses and all,” begging the question — two sides of one coin or dissociative disorder?…[Read more]

  • I love this one. Why? The first and last stanza and everything in between. Plus one of the cleverest bit of alliteration I’ve ever read: “at a KOREAN restaurant
    and introduced me to your QUIETLY COMPETITIVE”

    The camera stanza threw me off a bit because I was looking for the food reference to no avail. But the next stanza makes up for it.…[Read more]

  • I’m still trying to figure out why I like this poem. Your words paint vivid pictures of this holiday celebration that connects at a few points with my own experiences — but not quite — even to the point of how the celebration changed over time. And the way you throw in figurative language in unexpected places, in unexpected ways: ” the…[Read more]

  • You evoked some memories for me. I thought you had been to Japan from the images you create here. (I lived in Japan for 2 years.)

    I like the active verbs throughout your poem except for one line: “the bonsai, it’s a careful tree”

    I found the passive “is” a bit jarring even though it’s contracted. It struck me wrong for some reason.

    Is i…[Read more]

  • Foreshadowing lives in your first lines: “Turbulent yet calming / the way the water flows”

    The peaceful, serene waters that ripple and flow also holds danger if one is not looking for the turns.

    “Offering peace to those who
    share in its view-”

    Did you intend the double meaning? Did you intend the warning that life peace was only for…[Read more]

  • shirl commented on the post, Prompt 6: Matinee, Idle 4 months ago

    I can feel the soft rhythms of that soundtrack.

  • shirl commented on the post, Prompt 6: Matinee, Idle 4 months ago

    Starting with the title — oh, yes! And every line plays into that title. Clever woman!

    The setting is not just visual but peppered with smells, sounds, tastes, and rich emotions. Alone but surrounded by others who, somehow, are not out of step — even if not in step — with you.

    Those last stanzas — the peace in that time and space –…[Read more]

  • shirl commented on the post, Pocket Change 4 months ago

    I love the images you’ve created. Also, I’m intrigued by the symbol of pocket change, though I don’t always grasp the symbolism of each coin. Do I want to draw my own symbolism or do I want you to give us some clues? IDK.

    These lines:
    “Quarters left at your gravesite
    Like stones left a Jewish markers”

    Give us a clue. But these…[Read more]

  • This is the beginning of a story, setting the scene and making readers wonder what will happen next. “Cozy” was meant to convey the sense of safety inside the car while at the same time, there is uncertainty “left in the dark” created by the night and the rain and what lies outside of this comfort. Would you like to see the story that grew from…[Read more]

  • shirl commented on the post, Hour 24: This Gift 4 months ago

    I woke the lines to separate prepositional phrases on their own lines after each image. I tend to break lines at prepositions because of this:

    While teaching struggling readers to read more fluently, I had them separate sentences into phrases. I learned that prep phrases often interrupt the iambic rhythm of English and started playing with…[Read more]

  • shirl commented on the post, Hour 24: This Gift 4 months ago

    You’ve tapped into some of my emotions when writing this. Thanks for your comments on this and on other of my poems.

  • shirl commented on the post, Auckland (Hour 11) 4 months ago

    I saw the revision the moment I posted my comment. If I have time enough, I’ll come back to look at this version and comment again.

  • shirl commented on the post, Skay Hour 5 4 months ago

    Choosing this one for comment because I chose the same picture to prompt my poem.

    Love the imagery and the metaphors.

    Confused by your use of “sailor” for a person in a rowboat, I looked again to see if there were sails somewhere and I missed them. That’s the fist time I noticed that there are no visible oars either. Am I being too literal…[Read more]

  • shirl commented on the post, Auckland (Hour 11) 4 months ago

    So many of your poems hit home. It took me awhile to settle on this one for comment. Perhaps because it speaks to the poet that is in each of us on this Marathon journey.

    What poet wouldn’t like to live in that ideal of a place where writing a thousandth poem is not just a dream? What human being would not want to live in a place where all our…[Read more]

  • shirl commented on the post, Hour 16: Falling 4 months ago

    How insightful! I am going through a kind of journey or trial but have yet to come out the other side — but I’m hopeful. I think this one is written on my hope. Glad to hear it resonated with you.

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