The excruciatingly dull ache in my chest

The feeling in my gut like a potato filled sac

Sleepless nights, tear filled eyes, blind rage

Hatred and love intertwined and unwound

Utter confusion. Despair

 

And when all these unfathomably uncontrollable emotions had had their course,

Time after time after night after night unto bleak, empty days that rolled by

The stark emptiness

Loneliness and longing

I just wanted it back

All of it

Every single detail of masked happiness and desire without truth

 

I hated my new reality and I blamed you

I blamed ME, I blamed humanity yet no aspect of human nature could explain…

I. Wanted. It. To. Make. Sense

Needed it to make sense. Someway. Anyway.

 

But it never would so,

I…I picked up the zillion shards of my fragile, barely beating heart; what was left of it

Threw them out the window, all but one

And as I watched them fall to the ground,

Some blown away by the wind, carried by the current of the ocean and into the dark unknown

I felt in my palm, the last beat of the last living shard

The ebbing away of its life

The death of a broken heart

The beginning of the end of always and forever