⊕
Where am I?
doesn’t matter where we’ve been
the silence drove me crazy long ago
found the songs, had a cry
still lost.
I had a way with words
but someone lost the map
somewhere up the road
Guess we don’t know which way to go?
Yellow is such a happy colour
Yellow is such a happy colour
You pick up the sunflower and I imagine how the room will take on a glad colour with it
You pay the florist and we walk out of the stall.
In the next stall, you pick up a yellow-knitted shawl. again you say it as you smile
“Yellow is such a happy colour”
I hear the baby chuckle as it is wrapped in it
You raise one of the palettes, pointing at the colour
You choose it for the nursery
Yellow is such a happy colour
I can imagine sitting there with the baby wrapped in love as we bond
You tell me you want the child named ‘Daffodil’ or ‘Sunflower’. You say that the flower are beautiful and you know she will be too
We just did a gender reveal and you chose yellow for female, purple for male
When the colour sailed up to the sky, you danced in it and cried
Yellow is such a happy colour
When I am asked who my yellow is, I do not need to think too much
Your soul flutters and spreads so much love. Your eyes bulge and expand when you are surprised
Even the sun copies the yellow-dazzle from you.
I also imagine that yellow is synonymous with happiness when they ask because like you always say:
Yellow is such a happy colour
Fulfilled Dreams
Hour 14
Little light
Bright warm glow
You pulse in my hands cupped together
I cannot help but keep glancing down at you
You are my little light
I used to always stare up at you in the dark night sky
Reach my arms up to grasp at you
Dismay at how unreachable you appeared to be
From one end of the globe to the other
You shined steadily overhead
Until one day I reached up
And pulled back to find you finally in the palm of my hand
You are my little light
You are smaller than you seemed up there
But with you in my hands I feel invincible
Your gravitational pull keeps me steady on my feet
Ready to face each day
Like a great old tree with roots stretching deep in the ground
Fuelled by the strength and courage you give me
My little light
As I hold up my cupped hands together with you in them
And face my creator
I am almost at a loss for what to say
Because what more could I ask for
Night and day I asked Him for you
Wondering if I should not aim too high
Yet here you are in my hands
My little light
Someday I may put you back in a new spot in the night sky
So that I can stare up at you again
Climb even greater mountains
Jump higher than I have ever jumped
To try and grasp you again
But for now I hold you in my hands
Gaze at your bright warm glow
My little light.
fifteen: Big Bad City
Big Bad City
The shots erupt across
a typical evening
Of dog walking
Jumping rope
Barbecuing
Singing into fans out of windows
Arguing
Cheering at the game
Gardening
Being
And everyone scatters
Ducks beneath window pane
Grabbing kids grabbing adults
All because high tension criminals
And their enemies
Also like nice neighborhoods
Anorexic10pm
TW::
Deals with eating disorders
If you play with fire
eventually you’ll
get burned
isn’t this the way
it always is
I never thought anything
was supposed to get to me.
I thought I was
big
bad
tough
thick skinned
one day
43 minutes
Not so sure I
can make it
But you did this to me
made me feel
stupid
insecure
unworthy
ugly
You did this to me
hurt me
pushed me down
Made me feel
like I couldn’t do
anything right
two days
1 hour
20 minutes
how long since
I want to ask you
notice me
see what I’m doing
to make you happy
not me
I don’t matter
I am not perfect
and I’m not the ideal
I can’t help it
I can’t be what you
want me to be
three days
8 hours
little by little
I’m doing it
Are you proud
I’m tired of trying to conform
to what
you want
you think
you wish
you hope
I would be
It’s not
going to happen
I have my own mind
but you still try to
push it
nitpick a little more
why don’t you
find something else
wrong with
my attitude
my language
my choices
me
four days
14 hours
56 minutes
since
Every time I do it
I feel like a failure
like Im disgusting
like I’m unworthy
to even be seen
I can’t do it anymore
I can’t make bad choices
can’t spend my life trying
to please you
It only brings me down
what I know now
is you may only have
my best interests at heart
but you pick the wrong way
to go about it
Hour 15: Party Crasher
Bigfoot crashes your party, are you mad?
Hell no! I’m selling tickets!
Inviting a few more neighbors
Setting up a photo booth
Maybe do a karaoke duet of “Summer Nights”
Do you think he would be up for a keg stand?
I’m sure he’s got beer money, right?
Hour 15 – Unhoused
The Unhoused Woman Notices the Housed Woman
Maybe I should make a new
sign for tomorrow. Today
I got enough dog food
and water to last awhile.
(Actually, how am I going to carry this bag of dogfood
when the store closes and I have to go “home”?)
She looked at me
and saw my sign,
“Need dog food and water”
and the dogfood and water
that someone bought me earlier.
She kept walking. I
do need another sign,
but what if she stopped and talked to me?
It’s pretty hot out here, I know.
She just got out of her A/Ced
car and she went into Von’s–
they have A/C too.
It’s hot out here.
#9: Trust
#9: Trust
Trust. Isn’t it funny? It requires so much time and energy to get it.
But to ruin it? Seconds!
And I trusted you. I trusted our foundation. And now I just feel like a fool.
You see, the thing about trust is that once it’s been broken, the time and energy getting it back doubles if not more.
And when it’s been broken more than once, it becomes close to impossible.
Just tell me one thing: was it really worth it?
Dear Diary (Prompt 15)
Why couldn’t he handle it?
I knew he couldn’t
deep down I knew
but, I didn’t
It’s not the kind of thing
you tell about on
your first date
but still
I knew but I didn’t think he
I thought he couldn’t
he didn’t ask
didn’t say
anything but ‘Oh wow’ I
could take but then
‘oh wow’
became ‘Oh’
‘Oh’ then dissolved into
silence even his
breathing just
said ‘oh’
Neither of us could
hang up
the damn phone
just ‘Oh’
I’m not even sure
either of us
said goodbye
couldn’t
I didn’t even do it
I didn’t kill anyone
my mother
did
in self-defense
protecting
me, from dad
me, us
All he could say
was ‘Oh’
even my mom
liked him
She knows why he
couldn’t – not
wouldn’t
could not
But I don’t
At least, that’s what
I have resolutely
told myself
for forty years
that she wrote in
her diary.
It would all be the
truth
because, God knows
all I could say by
then was
‘Oh.’
– Mark L. Lucker
© 2023
http://lrd.to/sxh9jntSbd
I love my job
Hour 13
Development practitioner
Just a glorified volunteer
Three to five unpaid internships
Because I am a do-gooder
Dreamt of being a global traveller
Have to settle with meetings on Teams
Thought I’d be making the world better
Nothing is ever what it seems
Blames everything on past colonials
Yet financially dependent on neoliberals
Flashy words like governmentality
Far removed from reality
Say I’m not after fame
But my choice of profession boosts my ego
Say I’m not after money
But my dream job at the UN would make me rich
When people ask what I do
I get confused by my own answer
Half the time wondering how I got here
The other half I’m just glad they’re finally paying me
Because I fucking love my job