(for Onweald)
By Sandy Lender
Mellada glides through the halls of the hiding
Searching the quiet and with her time biding
Her women in waiting are noiselessly crying
Under the thundering of crashes subsiding
The walls of the halls with seawater dripping
Sheltering, sweltering, saps strength from the living
But Mellada’sures them, with comforting smiling
The stones of the crone all beguiling with scrying
None see the wink, the blink passing slyly
‘tween crone and queen for the calming of lying
Searching the quiet, preparing morn’s breaking
Dreaming is passing with sighing and waking
There is calm in resigning, a peaceful abiding
Finding new life in declining the fighting
Their warriors’ deaths on the wind news is blowing
Chiming and banging, the death tolls extolling
The clanging with sunrise outside the hall’s hiding
Alarms and disturbs with a dragon force flying
The wind of his wings crashes boulders high piling
And blocking the holes to the halls of the hiding
Mellada sings through the halls of the hiding
Her voice lowly mewling from shadows soft spreading
Her women in waiting like whispers receding
Till oceans of time with their gods they’re pleading
A hush lines the still dripping halls of the hiding
Where Mellada died with her women in waiting
Their souls washed with mem’ries of saltwater sinking
And ocean rocks filt’ring their bones for the seining
This is poetry in motion. Mine is storytelling. Maybe someday I’ll be a Poet!
Thank you for your kind words! I think poetry is storytelling in many different formats and feelings…
As a sometime fan of some fantasy (I’m more science fiction), I fell into this story all the way. I’m especially fond of the use of -ing to end each line and even inside each line. It’s especially effective that some are gerunds and some are verbs. They add action to your story.
These are my favorite lines:
•”But Mellada’sures them, with comforting smiling”‘
I love how you use her name to contract the missing letter in the next word. I might steal this device in a future poem. Clever and very poetic!
•”The stones of the crone all beguiling with scrying
The double use of -ing in one line — one verb and one noun — is rich!
•”None see the wink, the blink passing slyly
‘tween crone and queen for the calming of lying”
The internal rhymes of “wink” and “blink” as well as the use of -ing. — love it! Plus that last one — “calming of lying” — caught me by surprise although I should have know something unexpected was coming with the sly wink and blink! I was also deceived. This line slapped me in the face — in a good way — and made me pay closer attention as I continued reading.
This line: “Their warriors’ deaths on the wind news is blowing” gave me pause — and not for a good reason. The rhythm feels off even if it’s not. I think it’s because I’m tripping over the meaning and had to backtrack. Is there another way to say It so it’s clearer without the stumble that it is the news of that warriors’ deaths that is blowing on the wind?
Do I need to say I like this poem? I hope it’s one of your submissions for the anthology.
THANK YOU, Shirl, for all this commentary! I will definitely work on the “warriors’ death” line. Thank you for helping me…and thank you for your kind words, too!