I am the Salesman, great as can be!
If you want to sell something, sell it through me!
If you want to buy anything, I’ve got ’em all!
The blue ones, the red ones, from short to tall!
The best ones, of course, cost a lot more.
What a wonderful way to prove you’re not poor!
What’s that, sir, yes, you, in the back?
You sell worthless junk? Well, I’ll take a crack!

“Sir Wallace, sit down, let me tell you a tale.
This fanciful thing once held Merlin’s ale!
Two hundred, you say, would be fair enough?
Go home, you poor man, that’s nothing but snuff!”

“Miss Eckard, fine lady, I’m sure that you know
King Arthur himself would keep this in tow!
Two thousand’s your deal, you claim it is fine?
Then you don’t deserve this object of mine!”

“Dear John Edward Kuffnick the Third, my friend,
This thing was with Washington when he met his end.
You offer a million? Truly? For real?
A measly old million’s a horrible deal!”

“Madam Clessy, take heart, I know what you want!
You want this rare item, so rough and so blunt!
I’ve had offers of millions, just so you know…
Only a billion… Well, alright, it’ll go!”

That is my line (salespeople, jot down),
Everyone will prove they could buy a gown
Worth millions, or billions, they couldn’t care,
If others will pay, the rich want a share.
The thing could be termites, or inchworms, or fleas,
If it costs money, it’s the bees’ knees!
Money’s worth money, and that’s all that it’s worth.
That is the trick of the best Salesman on Earth!