I Knew

Everything happens for a reason

I knew it through the pain

The excruciating throbbing

The tightness in my neck

I knew it through the medication

The morphine

The blood thinners

The anesthesia

I knew it through the blindness

The blackness

The fear

I knew it through the sleepless nights

The bad dreams

The others’ screams

I knew it through singing Hey Jude

In the same hospital

John Lennon took his final breath

I knew it was not here where I would take mine

I knew there was more to do

I knew there was more to be

I knew there was something to learn

I knew I had been given the chance

The chance to change my life

I didn’t know what it was

What this was meant to be

But this I knew, I knew it true

I had to trust, for only because

Everything happens for a reason

And in that I truly believe

 

Summer

I don’t want summer to leave

I whisper into the breeze

I crave the sun

The warmth brushing my shoulders

The water skimming my toes

The people everywhere

 

I only look forward to fall

For the oversized sweaters

The pretty leaves

The night of dress up

 

But summer is happiness

It is joy

It is love

Summer has my heart

I want us never to part

Sticks and Stones

Chubby

Chunky

Plus size

Big Girl

Fat

 

Thunder Thighs

Double Chin

Belly

 

You think I don’t hear you

But I’ve heard it all

Every whisper

Every snicker

Every snide remark

Every helpful tip you’ve ever had to share

 

I used to keep myself at night

Soaking my pillowcase

I abused myself

I hated myself

I hurt myself even more than you

 

It took some time

But soon I did learn

How wonderful my body is

It is strong

It is beautiful

It is remarkable

 

My face

My stomach

My thighs

My boobs

My arms

My butt

There’s more to love

 

And I love it

It doesn’t matter to me if you do too

 

Nobody Has A Friendship Like Us

Every girl needs someone like you

Someone to trust

Someone so true

You care not what people think

Of your hair

Of what you wear

You don’t care if they disagreed

You’re not here to please

You are perfect

Because you are you

If someone hurts me

If someone threatens

You are there

To protect and defend

You love me unconditionally

No matter what I say

No matter what I do

The truth is the truth is the truth is the truth

Nobody has a friendship like us

It Was You

I’m the girl who asked

“What did I do wrong?”

“Was it something I said?”

“Was it something I did?”

It cut deep

I would lie in bed

Unable to sleep

I was worthless

I was dumb

I was obnoxious

 

 

I was wrong

 

 

You were the boy

Who used and abused

Who hit it and quit it

A liar

A cheat

A manipulator

It was you

It was not me

 

You missed the greatest opportunity

To have all my love

I could have been your best

But now you have to settle for the rest

After you, I am stronger

After you, I am smarter

After you, I am better

Than I have ever been

 

You made me realize

How great I am

So thank you for the pain

Thank you for the lesson

Thank you for setting me free

To love someone else unconditionally

My Lover

I am too far away

From where my heart truly lies

Where all my hopes and dreams

Wait for me to come back

I don’t know when I’ll go

And meet her again

But I hope it is soon

Before my life comes to an end

I miss the way she lights up

The way she breathes at all hours

I miss her music

Her screams

Her hums

I miss her chaos

I miss her peace

I miss the way she creates adventure

The way she feeds my soul

I miss the person I was with her

More complete

We made a whole

But I know I’ll see her tonight

As I sleep, my dreams

And it is there

I live inside her

She is forever mine

New York City

How Do I Say This

This feeling is new

Being with you

 

Never have I felt

Something so swell

 

You’ve swept me off my feet

Right onto my back

 

I can’t escape this heat

Can’t wait for our bodies to meet

 

Run your fingers through my hair

The sweat lingers in the air

 

I’m crazy about you

Baby, you’re all mine

 

Let me feel your skin

Your breath on my chin

 

Push into me

Let me see what you see

 

I’m never going back

You’re all I’ve ever yearned for

 

It’s more than just lust

It is in you I trust

 

The words can’t come out

No matter how I try to shout

 

I care for you

I admire you

I adore you

I love you

We are Women

I am my mother’s child

I come by it naturally

I see it in her daily

And now I see it in me

It’s in my sister

It’s in my nieces

It’s in my aunts and cousins too

Women in our family

We are incredibly strong

We are smart and quick

We steer the ship

We will not be pushed around

We will dominate the ground

You cannot tell us what to do

We will be the ones telling you

I am proud of who I am

I hope it makes my mother proud

To see she raised a family

Of strong, independents

She is the matriarch

We don’t need a patriarch

We are women

Hear us roar

Remember

You never know when life will go

When everything could disappear

You never know when you’ll lose someone

When your loved ones won’t be here

So tell them you love them

Appreciate their time

Because today could be the last day

You see their bright eyes shine

Flathead

The mountains surround me

I look to the East

Blue sky

Blue mountains

Blue water

I am here in this moment

Right where I am supposed to be

I step to the edge

I look down at the water

Waving me in

My knees bend

In goes my breath

The push off is thrilling

My heart skips a beat

My body flies through the air

But only shortly

In I go

It’s so cold

It’s so refreshing

My body sinks

My feet touch mud

I push up

Up I go

I hit the surface

In goes my breath