i feel at home when

you hold me to together

when we stop in our tracks and look up towards the sky

i feel like i’m important

and that everything

mans nothing

has touched me yet

loving you makes me feel invincible


come on

come on

wipe the sweat

so close

don’t pay any mind dear

it’ll be okay

what are a few minutes

dark bathroom


what is it all for??


come on

come on

come on

so close

dont slow now

ode to nicotine

now! what a splendid little thing

to take the buzz and ache away

pause the gears

and allow for a total meltdown of the senses

i know this is danger

this is stupid frilly fun

but once you’re locked in

there’s not getting off the ride

over your shoulder

keys between the fingers

pepper spray dangles

what about walking at night


and terrifies


perhaps they go hand in hand

icy air ripping at the lungs

praying that headlights rush past you

and keep moving

keep driving


approach each corner with hesitation

no headphones

remain aware of your surroundings

text updates the closer you get to your


“made it home safe”

Self Portrait

There’s a large freckle under my left eye

that I would wipe at

for hours

trying to clean the “dirt” off my face


My right front tooth has a chip in it

from when I tried to use a butter


as a toothpick


I had tattoos splotched on my arms

they were almost all impulse


that I now question


My hairline is the same as my grandmother and her mother

an isosceles triangle patch nustled on the left side of

my scalp

that has never grown hair


I start each day cursing myself for not waking up earlier

and end the night with deja vu

a strict skincare regime

and writing five pages in my journal


There is always so much I want to do during the day

that I never get around to it

and even though I check off some of my “to do’s”

I linger on the “did not’s”


heart is bulging out of my chest

the air



hand clutched over mouth

no sound shall escape

no sound


the blood gushes through my veins


angry and scared


rough stone scratches at my neck

so long as I press against this wall

I’ll know that no one is behind me


they’re near




numb, all my limbs, numb

why can’t I feel anything



gulping sweet liquid air

unable to keep from looking down

I feel like I’m in a

space between this world and the next


I can see 1956

and 2098

I can feel my birth and death within

the same blink


we are so easily broken

and we build things like bridges




We like that we can die at any moment

Life would be no fun than


Before I Sleep

When it’s dark

and my mind is circling the drain

ready to recharge

You lay next to me and breathe

into my hair

I hear you’re sighs and


and when you finally drift off into sweet slumber

your muscles jolt

as if releasing all of the energy they had

that you didn’t get to expel during the day

And you holding

as you flop about

extending a leg suddenly

shoulders shaking on their own

a string puppet being

manipulated by a phantom

and I lay there

fireworks going off in your body

at peace

knowing that you’re sleeping soundly


I’ve never been the type to make a fuss

I keep my head down

Let other’s walk in bigger and louder strides


And when he asked me if I wanted to call someone

to help me

I wish I had said yes.


I was seventeen and thought I knew everything


self sufficient


But this was an instance where even the strongest people’s

facades will crack and weather

and crumble


I felt the initial fracture

and if I had said yes

maybe I could have prevented the canyons that formed


I wish I had said,

yes, I need help

but I didn’t


I buried my face in a blanket

and laid in the grass

wet and cold on my back


An ice pack trying to soothe the swelling


and I wish I had said yes


Things turned because of the absence of


I said No No No No


I pushed

I pushed you have to believe me

I shut my eyes tight and tried to breathe




Ow stoppit you’re hurting me


Flashing lights and car alarms



Please no


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