The Poetry Marathon

the wheels turn

harden

sour

salt

curdle

and bring us together

i feel at home when

you hold me to together

when we stop in our tracks and look up towards the sky

i feel like i’m important

and that everything

mans nothing

has touched me yet

loving you makes me feel invincible

come on

come on

wipe the sweat

so close

don’t pay any mind dear

it’ll be okay

what are a few minutes

dark bathroom

pirate

what is it all for??

huh?

come on

come on

come on

so close

dont slow now

now! what a splendid little thing

to take the buzz and ache away

pause the gears

and allow for a total meltdown of the senses

i know this is danger

this is stupid frilly fun

but once you’re locked in

there’s not getting off the ride

keys between the fingers

pepper spray dangles

what about walking at night

invigorates

and terrifies

perhaps they go hand in hand

icy air ripping at the lungs

praying that headlights rush past you

and keep moving

keep driving

approach each corner with hesitation

no headphones

remain aware of your surroundings

text updates the closer you get to your

destination

“made it home safe”

There’s a large freckle under my left eye

that I would wipe at

for hours

trying to clean the “dirt” off my face

My right front tooth has a chip in it

from when I tried to use a butter

knife

as a toothpick

I had tattoos splotched on my arms

they were almost all impulse

decisions

that I now question

My hairline is the same as my grandmother and her mother

an isosceles triangle patch nustled on the left side of

my scalp

that has never grown hair

I start each day cursing myself for not waking up earlier

and end the night with deja vu

a strict skincare regime

and writing five pages in my journal

There is always so much I want to do during the day

that I never get around to it

and even though I check off some of my “to do’s”

I linger on the “did not’s”

heart is bulging out of my chest

the air

thin

hand clutched over mouth

no sound shall escape

no sound

the blood gushes through my veins

roars

angry and scared

rough stone scratches at my neck

so long as I press against this wall

I’ll know that no one is behind me

they’re near

shhh

still

numb, all my limbs, numb

why can’t I feel anything

paralyzing

gulping sweet liquid air

unable to keep from looking down

I feel like I’m in a

space between this world and the next

I can see 1956

and 2098

I can feel my birth and death within

the same blink

we are so easily broken

and we build things like bridges

planes

cars

We like that we can die at any moment

Life would be no fun than

When it’s dark

and my mind is circling the drain

ready to recharge

You lay next to me and breathe

into my hair

I hear you’re sighs and

coos

and when you finally drift off into sweet slumber

your muscles jolt

as if releasing all of the energy they had

that you didn’t get to expel during the day

And you holding

as you flop about

extending a leg suddenly

shoulders shaking on their own

a string puppet being

manipulated by a phantom

and I lay there

fireworks going off in your body

at peace

knowing that you’re sleeping soundly

I’ve never been the type to make a fuss

I keep my head down

Let other’s walk in bigger and louder strides

And when he asked me if I wanted to call someone

to help me

I wish I had said yes.

I was seventeen and thought I knew everything

hard-headed

self sufficient

But this was an instance where even the strongest people’s

facades will crack and weather

and crumble

I felt the initial fracture

and if I had said yes

maybe I could have prevented the canyons that formed

I wish I had said,

yes, I need help

but I didn’t

I buried my face in a blanket

and laid in the grass

wet and cold on my back

An ice pack trying to soothe the swelling

inside

and I wish I had said yes

Things turned because of the absence of

yes

I said No No No No

I pushed

I pushed you have to believe me

I shut my eyes tight and tried to breathe

No

Yes

Ow stoppit you’re hurting me

Flashing lights and car alarms

No

No

Please no