When Irma Juanta was about 4 or 5,
Or was it 3 or 4?
What year was that again?
The year that she was born?
Oh yeah, that’s right, borrow the 1,
Replace the 3,
then subtract 9…
…which brings us to the age of…
wait…that cant be right…
…hmm…oh well, it doesn’t matter, we’ll say she was ten,
that’s fine (if I’m a few years off, I’m quite sure she won’t mind)
Anyway, where was I?
Ah yes! Dear, sweet, little Irma,
(who went by I. Juanta, by the way)
always wished she could own everything,
just because the T.V. said.
And if say, the tele-tube was to show, i dunno… a blue sled,
And even though there was no defect or flaw with the one she already had, (it was red)
She would take it, break it, and would stash the pieces beneath her bed.
And then dare her mother not buy her a blue one!
If a rare display of parental nerve, a simple “No,” had she said
You’d better hide the wire hangers, Joan Crawford!
I. Juanta would emit a wail so loud,
And with a shrillness that could raise the dead
So loud that you’d need an Advil, even though you live on the other side of town
Meanwhile, since we’re on the other side of town
I’ll introduce to you another tiny child,
Her name was Anita, and the poor girl’s family was quite wild.
…And when I say wild, I really don’t mean to sound vile-
It’s just…well, it’s nothing offensive at all, really, for the fact Anita is a crocodile.
Just in case that fact there, happened to make-a you smile,
I regret to inform you that, surely, the end-part will…
…make-a you cry-le.
(Don’t judge me for having to make up a word, No, not today, no Sir.
Not when applause is deserved, to reward my ability to stylize such beauty
from an idea this absurd)
Poor, poor Anita was little, and some might say she was itty-bitty,
So all her classmates at school called her Wee Nita…
Which brought down her self-esteem and generally just made her feel plain sh*tty.
And to make matters worse, Even for being so very small,
In spite of all the makeup and fake hair she wore,
She wasn’t pretty, not even a blind person would hit on, not pretty at all.
So there’s Wee Nita, right in the swamp, right? Living in filth with nothing nice or fancy;
Existing on only the things she requires.
Then there’s I. Juanta, right? And she’s spoiled rotten, and gets everything she desires.
By the way, in case you were wondering,
Which one of these two heroines, history most admires?
Well, see what had happened was just this let’s just say this:
Well I heard, that I. Juanta met Wee Nita…
…and an altercation transpired.
I hate to say it, but KeKe said that from the looks of things
Although in size comparison, To Wee Nita,
I. Wanta. Stood like a tower
But it was necessity that moved Wee Nita,
And I. Wanta became the wanted
I. Wanta got devoured.