Let me explain why the ghost sleeps in my bed while I sleep in a chair.
It’s selfish.
I let it.
I don’t want to fight with a fucking ghost.
Ghosts are scary.
This one is only friendly when the mood strikes.
Most of the time it laughs from my bed while I squirm in my chair.
It pays the bills.
It resents me.
It mocks my depression.
(It doesn’t know it died from depression.)
It feels superior for straightening up but it doesn’t actually clean shit.
It’s lonely.
Ghosts are sad.
It’s scary.
It screams when it gets too angry.
It is angry at itself.
It doesn’t know it is dead.
(Deep down inside, it suspects it is not alive.)
It says things it can never take back.
It regrets everything too late.
It gives up too soon.
It let me go.
It won’t leave.
(It’s my responsibility to tell it that it’s dead.)
It forgets that it loves me.
It hates that it loved me.
It let me have the chair.
It took over my bed.
I let it.
I’m selfish.
Hey Lani,
I love this poem — it’s got tons of great psychic energy. Duende! Great voice and use of the line.
Thank you!
Marvelous image of a ghost
Thank you.
Really like it! It’s out of this world! LOL!
Thank you
Kickarse title & a poem that almost lives up to it. Perhaps 3-4 Ines to long. But most of the lines are firecrackers. Really like it.
Thank you for you feedback. It’s hard to write and revise within an hour–especially to get to a final revision. Which lines do you think could be removed?
I’m thinking:
‘Ghosts are scary.’
‘It feels superior for straightening up but it doesn’t actually clean shit.’
‘Ghosts are sad.’
And maybe, ‘It let me have the chair.’
Totally agree about editing. I really believe Marathon is not about getting a finished poem but getting a good draft to edit later. You’ve definitely got this. Edit in a day or week or two. I’m sure we’ll all choose different lines to trim, but my suggestion would be these:
It forgets that it loves me.
It hates that it loved me.
It let me have the chair.
It feels like it slows up too much at the end, when it should be speeding up. The “loved me” lines aren’t as clever as others you’ve written & the “let me have the chair” is passive whereas “it took over my bed” is tough.
just my 2c. I’m sure you’ll work out which need to go when you’ve had a chance to sleep on it xg
Thank you so much. I will consider this when I’m revising. Happy writing!
Thank you so much. I will consider this when I’m revising. Happy writing!