O Spinner of a Thousand Tales
(That recycle the same four plotlines)
O Maker of a Thousand Worlds
(Populated by the same 6 characters in different hats)

I plead to you, Creator of (clean, black-and-white) Conflicts,
that my narrative be flush with thine bounty.
Let my bitter rivals be placed upon buses,
let my villains be as obviously evil as they are one-note
and let them receive their grim and tidy comeuppance.
Though not by my hand;
the audience must needs think of me as pure and merciful.

I beg you, Sovereign of Stories,
(we’ve all heard a million times)
Let my challenges be overcome
by montage and instant mastery.
Let that to which I turn my hand
garner me praise and jealousy
of my peers and instructors both.

I supplicate myself before you, Manager of Meet-Cutes,
That all of my crushes shall,
in time, turn out to have loved me in secret.
That I might find truest love,
without more than a glance at growth or self-improvement.
That I might blunder into the life of someone special
Just when that special someone needs me most.

Of you, Architect of the Profound
(as long you don’t think about it too hard),
I request the most saccharine of happy endings:
Let my finances be ever sorted off-screen,
and my hair only ever fetchingly tousled.
May my recklessness be vindicated,
and my actions have only positive consequences.
Grant me a conventionally attractive one true pairing,
whose only flaw (by the closing credits) is clumsiness.
And if it be thine will, equally appealing children
who speak and reason like tiny adults.
Gift me, O Cosmic Hack, a place for my came-with-the-frame family.
A gleaming castle, a stately manor, or a shimmering starship.
Even a nice brownstone would suffice,
Your servant is not greedy.

With greatest humility
thy most devoted disciple.

Mary Sue