Apologies (to the poet Maxine Kumin, in Memoriam)
I must have been a handful.
20 year olds want to see, hear
and taste.
20 year old poets think they know
all.
So much new libido to expend.
So much anger to quiet.
And all the time you
were trying to keep her,
your best friend,
from hurting herself.
Anne Sexton’s signature
went from firm and clear
to a three-letter jagged block.
I saw it at BU. Frightening.
If a signature tells a story,
hers showed volumes.
I hope guilt didn’t sear you.
Meanwhile, there I was,
wanting to devour half the world
and sleep with the other half.
No wonder you retreated.
Sadness, confusion.
I am sorry.
I didn’t know,
although your favorite did.
Perhaps if I had been blond, blue-eyed
and Mayflower-related…
but no.
I never practiced sedate.
It wasn’t in my genes.
Nor demure, nor reverent.
And you would not explain.
I am sorry, Maxine.
I guess misunderstandings were fated.
I just hope
that somewhere,
your piano in the corner
is playing
and the cat on your window
is sunning.
I still have no patience for either.