The Poetry Marathon

Turbulent yet calming

the way the water flows

so effortlessly down the stream

giving life to all who dwell.

Offering peace to those who 

share in its view-

a true warrior;

a beast.

So lovely, 

serene- 

yet if necessary, 

bold enough

to swallow you whole.

The clouds overhang

rain looks to be on the way

the fullness of each puff

looks like how I think my heart may look

when I think of you

Now what am I to do?

They creep closer

brining a sense of pain and worry

with every inch they blow my way

I wonder when it may finally happen

when the downpour of emotions

may finally hit.

Will they pass as quickly as the storm? I ponder.

Now what am I to do?

Just as quick as the rain poured down

my emotions flood back

emptying themselves into the raindrops that flow

as the clouds become empty

so do my past emotions I held onto for so long

Now what am I to do?

1 cup of memories

2 cups of love

3 cups of self esteem

4 cups of honesty

Mix all together. Stir in memories with love.

Sprinkle self esteem.

Always remember to bake with full honesty.

Enjoy.

Who will I be?

The question I ask myself 

hundreds of times a day.

The perfect soccer mom-

mini van 

baked goods 

PTA

Barbie looks with my newly pressed dress

nails done

hair up 

ready for the front page.

The trophy wife-

dinner on the table

waiting eagerly for my lover to walk through the door

cater to their every need

slaving over the hot stove in ninety degree heat 

kids screaming 

mom 

mom 

mom 

all day blaring like trumpets 

in the background.

The perfect daughter-

her shit together

never saying anything out of the way

polite 

content 

never doing wrong 

no past to speak of 

cant get anyone upset.

Or maybe just me-

The mom who tries her best 

yet still feels like a complete failure 

list isn’t done

clothes aren’t perfect

dust on the shelf

stepping on toys

crying in the closet

drinking wine for breakfast

cussing like a sailor

barefoot on the porch

anxiety setting in. 

Giving my all 

but is that enough? 

Seems to be 

but the demon in my head 

screams

no 

no 

no

you’re failing!

Get it right!  

The daughter

the sister

the mother

the friend

trying to prove my life is all together;

yet slipping back 

every chance I get to get ahead. 

Here he goes again.

screaming.

no 

no 

no

you’re failing.

But here I am 

day by day

putting on my perfect society approved costume

just to get by

and fighting like hell

to do the best I can.

I am my own inspiration.

I am the best version I can be.

My name is Jana O’Dell and this is my 2nd year participating in the marathon. I will be doing the half marathon, like last year. A bit about me: I live in West Virginia with my wife, 3 kids, 1 dog, 1 cat and 5 bunnies. I just self published my first dark poetry book, Cyanide Kisses, a week or so ago, so I have been super excited and consumed by that. I have various mental health issues which is why I choose to write- it gives me a sense of calm that nothing else does.

Reveal your true self

Acknowledge your faults

Investigate your desires

Never back down

Dive into what you love

Reveal your inner truth

Open your soul

Push yourself to new discoveries

Stand up for who you are

Crawling through every inch of my soul

Digging your way into the life I use to call my own

Secretive yet bold, you come to me in the most convenient hours

When my guard is down and I am for a very short while, vulnerable

Yet you knew that….

And here you come

Prowling back, gazing at my every move

Only waiting for the moment to pounce

And destroy the only life I’ve ever known

Shattered, Tattered, Worn

Enveloped in my soul

Demons in every corner of my ‘system’

That’s what they call my personalities

All sitting around the meeting table within my mind

Chattering, screaming, haunting me

Do it they say, get it over with

Bathe in our irrational conversations

Submerge yourself in the darkness

Plunge into our desires

Suppress us no longer

Dreamscape or time travel

Which calls my name in the dead of the night

Oh how I  feel my dreams may be more thrilling than traveling back

Into the time in which I was myself

Not this bitter, cold hearted, evil bitch

They all seem to distance themselves from

Maybe if they could just see through my eyes

The pain and betrayal in which I have witnessed

They would understand how traveling back

Would do more harm than good

Creativity, chaos, illusions and dreams

Sadness, laughter, anxiety and defeat

This is what makes me who I am

Thoughts so scattered you couldn’t try and piece them together if you tried

Memories so embedded into my brain that I couldn’t carve them out with a knife if I needed to

Regrets that burn so deep, no amount of medicine can take away the sting

This is what it’s like living with demons inside your head

All they do is continually wish you dead

Remaining strong and grounded is a chore that most people couldn’t even believe

Yet I wake up every morning

Battling the same thoughts, day after day

Proving to myself and the world that while I may sometimes just live in a daydream

I’m also the hero in my own, unspoken, unappreciated story