Believing

“I Believe: Write your personal credo of things you believe in.”

 

Believing.

Belief is..a strange thing.

It can only exist

From within, and only

Thrive on what cannot be seen or touched or felt..

Except in the most

Unconventional of ways.

 

Curious. Very curious, this thing called belief.

Biased and strange and dangerous and powerful too.

They say she’s crazy for

Believing ghosts exist. But,

Who are you to tell her

The world we know it exists?

 

Belief is like

Knowing you exist somewhere within

The realm of Tangible things..like bedcovers, computers and cellphones

And also knowing that you could possibly exist

No where. at All.

 

Plato got it right the first time. What is truly reality, what is truth, which do we choose

to have faith in?

 

Belief is trust. It’s trusting that the Universe has a set laws of nature

That we know nothing about, but can merely guess.

It’s trusting that

What goes around comes around. Or that

God is real and not all-powerful or he is all-powerful but apathetic.

 

Who are you to tell me

What to believe in?

Who am I? To condemn you

Or rebuke you

For your beliefs?

 

Belief is knowing that even though

I was a simple fuck to boys who like to call themselves men

I am not my mistakes, I am not my shame, and I am not

Accountable for anyone else’s standards

But my own.

 

Belief is knowing that God is kind, patient and loving

It’s knowing that even though atheists and polytheists rebuke Him

He will still let them into Heaven if they were good people to other Human Beings.

 

Belief is knowing that Kenneth Hernandez will always have

Love for me, and I for him

And it’s believing that I can be happy and loving towards another

 

Belief is knowing that no amount of money, nor jewelry, nor any

Tangible thing on this godforsaken earth

Will fulfill me.

It’s knowing that kindness, compassion, passion, unconditional love, and

writing my itty bitty big heart out

On a piece of paper, will always bring me a happiness that

This materialistic, patriarchal world never could.

 

Belief is acceptance. It’s accepting the past for what it is

And accepting the future for whatever will come. It’s

Accepting yourself and others, good, bad, or indifferent.
It’s accepting that you can walk on water, and people will still say you cannot swim.

And it’s accepting that having faith in the intangible

Gifts we call life, love, passion, and kindness

Are the only things worth believing in.

It’s Here.

Should have known

It would, come to an end. I was

Surprised, sadness – it comes in biting

Waves, like the mosquitos of a hot summer day

Taking a piece of your flesh, leaving you

With an itcy, unsatisfied feeling…

I MUST tell the truth! It’s the only way I know

How to come to terms with this…melancholy inside of me

I am a little, just a tiny bit, bitter. I am the leftover

Grease, dark, burnt, and flaky

Barely retaining the flavor of whatever was

Cooked in the frying pan.

 

The end is a bittersweet, burnt flavor. Unsatisfying, surprised to see it’s

Body so close to those last three words…The end

I want to caress The End, tell him that we are

Not over, only, Passing time

Until i return..trying to fix whatever was wrong…

 

The End…it is the END of this poem, and I am not ready!

I am not ready, I am not ready, I am not ready…

There is still so much more to say, so much more to do, so much more to

Fret over, words to correct, phrases to rearrange, add, subtract, alter, and obliterate.

 

When I

First became a writer…truly, I began to write poetry and

Short stories…I thought I understood

Shakespeare on some level. How he must have felt

After ending every sonnet, every play…

How Jane Austen must have felt..ending Pride and Prejudice, Sense and Sensibility..

How Maya Angelou

Must have felt after ending Still I Rise and

Phenomenal Woman

 

It is never enough, I realize this – Not. Ever.

A writer’s job is never done, the craft must always strive to

Be the absolute best of our psyches, inner workings of both

Our minds and our hearts, working together in a passionate

Loving embrace, attempting to make sense of the

Chaotic, beautiful, ugly and peaceful world around us

 

..Her mind never shuts off, even if the End is so

Unbearably near..

 

But it must, it is

The End.