The Poetry Marathon

A show no one would come to see

Dancing on the gazebo in gaudy rhinestones

Making fools of ourselves in public

Drawing on our faces with black lipstick

Late nights talking to strangers

Staying up to watch the sunrise

Streaking down the street

Sitting in a parked limousine

Laying on a cloudy beach

Taking candid photographs of each other

Walking hand in hand

Wearing each other’s clothes

Jumping over fences

Dying hair red with nothing but sugar

Silly Halloween costumes

Dinosaur boob tattoos

Boxes made for the love of each other

It was never meant to last

But how sweet it was

In hindsight

I do not scare easily

The concept of horror has intrigued me since childhood

And I have consumed it voraciously

For as long as I can remember

I am not afraid of spiders

Or snakes

Or dark empty corridors

Try as I might,

I do not believe in ghosts

Or monsters

Or any manner of fantastical creature

And yet

I know fear intimately

It thrives inside me

Whispering insidious remarks

That curl themselves into the folds of my thoughts

And make a permanent home

I do not want to believe

The lies my fear feeds me

But my mind would rather play Devil’s advocate

And gives them the spotlight anyway

I used to think it could be beaten into submission

Drugged into oblivion

Locked into a closet

And never, ever taken out

And yet

You can’t remove pieces of yourself

No matter how hard it is to live with them

You learn to hold hands with your fear

To tell it you understand

And kiss it on the forehead

There is a difference between

Accepting your anxieties

And letting them have power over you

The human experience is complicated

And hard

But I’d rather be present

Than not

The smallest I’ve ever felt

Was standing beneath

The world’s tallest trees

There is something innately humbling

About seeing a being

That has lived hundreds of years before you

And will live hundreds after you’re gone

I told someone once

That I hope I am reincarnated as a redwood one day

So the world can spin around me

While I watch

As a guardian of the fog

You are never supposed to hold out your hand

To someone who is drowning

Because they will pull you down with them

When death is staring you in the face

You will take hold of anything you can

Just to stay afloat

And it does not matter

If you hold it beneath the water

As long as you can breathe

I thought I could save you

Not realizing

You already knew how to swim

And just wanted someone

To hold beneath the waves

When you look up the meaning of the word

“Shangri-La”

It describes a paradise

Enduringly happy

Isolated from the world

It is also

Imaginary

We called them “Shangri-La Days”

And they could not have been described better

A bubble of happiness

Where the world cannot harm you

And you will live forever

And just like the place

It is farcical

But I like to believe

We are still there

Laughing and singing

And nothing has changed

I am as old now

As you were when we met

And I get it

The feeling that you’re lost

That you’ve missed the train of life

I see why now

You didn’t want to hold me too tightly

You were stuck knee-deep in the woes of the world

And didn’t want to drag me down with you

You tried to explain to me

That nothing clears up when you’re older

It only gets more confusing

And I (foolishly) did not believe you

I understand

How much it pained you to say you loved me

Despite that

You went out of your way to bring me happiness

For that, I can never fault you

My memories of you are rose-colored

Sweet and soft and beautiful

Perhaps it’s better that our time was so short

There was no time for cracks to show

I’ll cradle those months close to my heart

I used to wish for more time

Now I know we had enough

I hope wherever you are

The world is kind to you

I think of you often

Too often, when the last words we spoke were so long ago

I can no longer remember what they were

Do you think of me?

There was a time

Where nothing was more important

Than the hours we spent

Inseparable

I didn’t even want to sleep

For fear I would waste a second

You saw me as I was

Imaginative and free

Strange and wild

And loved me without a second thought

Because you were the same

I stood by you

Loyal as any shadow

Basking in your glow

Remember when we would fall into the waves, joyful in our abandon?

Remember when we would run through the trees, every second an adventure?

Remember when we would crouch in hidden corners, scaring each other breathless?

I used to think that would be forever

Maybe in another universe, it is

You’re getting married soon

Will you look out into the crowd and see an empty place

Shaped like me?

Our lives have parted from each other so long ago

I’m not sure we’d recognize each other

I want you to know

That I don’t believe that love fades

So if you ever decide

To invite me back

I will never decline

When I knew I had lost you,

I stood at the bottom of your stairs

Staring up at something unreachable

A family friend noticed and said,

“Maybe someday you’ll meet at a bar,

And it will be like nothing changed.”

So here I am

Waiting

With a seat saved for you

There is safety in order

And in knowing that if you follow the rules exactly

You can make something special

Both beautiful and rewarding

Baking is chemistry

Each step leading to the next

Perfection is possible

If you follow each rule to the letter

I wish I could apply these rules

To the world as a whole

But social cues are ever changing

And there is no recipe to follow

I find peace in exact minutes

In reward for following the rules

Careful measurements

Lead to pleasing results

People are not cakes

Love is not frosting

I cannot knead the world into the perfect shape

This is harder

But that’s the point

If life was like baking

There could be no mistakes

And it wasn’t meant to be perfect, anyway

You were born with a soul that longed for change

I was born to keep things the same

For so long I kept you

A bird in a cage

Lovingly cared for

Knowing someday I would have to open the door

Knowing you would see no point in coming back

I want you to know

That if you ever decide to return

There will be a place for you

Nothing changes for me

But everything changes for you

And if I am just a footnote in your glorious life

I hope you remember me fondly

Sitting in a forgotten greenhouse

Watching the rain fall in sheets against the glass

I can’t help but wonder

How it feels to stand in the storm

In my memories

It is always summer

Sticky hot and sickly sweet

Bursting with life in every corner

Does anyone still take the time

To step in a metal boat

And row out to the middle of a silent pond?

The water is warm and deep

And will welcome you if you ask

I hope that those who’ve taken our place

Reach their hands into the dirt

And let the toadlets jump between their fingers