I do not scare easily

The concept of horror has intrigued me since childhood

And I have consumed it voraciously

For as long as I can remember

 

I am not afraid of spiders

Or snakes

Or dark empty corridors

 

Try as I might,

I do not believe in ghosts

Or monsters

Or any manner of fantastical creature

 

And yet

 

I know fear intimately

It thrives inside me

Whispering insidious remarks

That curl themselves into the folds of my thoughts

And make a permanent home

 

I do not want to believe

The lies my fear feeds me

But my mind would rather play Devil’s advocate

And gives them the spotlight anyway

 

I used to think it could be beaten into submission

Drugged into oblivion

Locked into a closet

And never, ever taken out

 

And yet

 

You can’t remove pieces of yourself

No matter how hard it is to live with them

You learn to hold hands with your fear

To tell it you understand

And kiss it on the forehead

 

There is a difference between

Accepting your anxieties

And letting them have power over you

 

The human experience is complicated

And hard

But I’d rather be present

Than not