The Poetry Marathon

Panickk

Desperation

Inspiration.

Mania,

all formed in the same crucible womb

collided in one room, fighting over control of the typewriter.

nobody could tell them apart,

Especially Themselves.

Smother That Reckless Urge,

Control that expression that is kicking at the walls of the womb,

Shouting to be cut free, to be allowed to emerge and strut and swagger alive and lively.

Ration that energy,

Throw Gunny Sacks ovry it, sit on it, control it,

it is inconvenient for it to emerge right now.

Wait a quarter hour.

Do not finish this now…………

I am back from boarding school, and I still have a randy raging impulse to let go and put words one after the other.

The cooldown was relatively cool.

As if.

The wheel of life,

unstuck from the sucking swamp of despair,

shaken into life,

overshoots and blazes in the sky.

Cover up!

Don’t be so conspicuous!

Nothing good will come from running away down the slope to crash and burn out of control.

Embrace those inner horses.  Whisper soothing words into their ears, curry down their sweat slick withers.

Get in line and plod.

Hit the bell, hit your mark, rein it in, reign in,  rule yourself, be a ruler, straighten out, be inspired straight, don’t get all wound up twisted with your energy at critical mass.  The masses will be critical.

That’s enough punishment.

You can’t always finish,

but you can stop.

My life matters.

I am not concerned about life after death,

but filling life before death with life, real life,  life abundant tamped down and overflowing,

Life so sweet it makes my blood sing like a child at play.

Your life matters.

Make it matter to yourself for yourself, you are the one you answer to.

That life matters.

That person, that tree, that gorilla in the zoo,

each is a rare and endangered species worth preserving, in need of honor and preservation.

Of course Black Lives Matter, as do the brown, the crazed, the homeless, the gay, the random dude on random drugs, all of whom are marginalized into nothingness without a conscious effort.

Why should you be so fragile that it troubles you that people think it needs to be said.

My life matters, to your and me and they.

Your life matters, to me and you and they.

Their lives matter, to they and you and me.

If you have a problem, get over it.

Windy hilltop,

grizzled chest bared to the elements,

those about me concerned but ineffective

this is a war within myself  that I must win and lose

Win and lose in simultaneous tumbling tossing warring wrestling striving full energy, at full speed,, rocketing through existential space unable to put the buggy over to the edge of the speedway to replace a throw rotor or rotate the tires.

I am still me.  I touch me.  I am here.

I can trust and like and know myself, but there is a need for a course correction, right now, long before any reinforcements can cross the blood-brain barrier.

My inner fool throws me on my face to beat the rocky slope and squander energy crying  “It’s not fair it’s not fair….  not fair…not…”

My regal self knows I am fine,, just fine, better than fine, everybody should wish to be so fine, so wise, so clever, so full of understanding.  It is the rest of the world that needs adjustment, not me.  I am wonderful.  All-knowing, full of power and might and right.  Do not mess with me!

But I can read on the face of my loyal loving companion that there is something wrong,  I am bouncing back and forth between arrogance and despair, between growls of self-loathing and precious moments spent stroking my bold certainty.

I raise my once powerful arms to the heavens in entreaty, and from between the gaps in my remaining teeth is torn the tormented cry, as I war with myself,

Let me Not be  MAD! Not Mad!

I tear the remaining strands from my exposed head and howl, while at the same time I pet myself for comfort.

There there, there there.  It will pass, as it always does, and we will face the wreckage of life after the storm and build again.

If there is time.

Heart thumping

pulse racing

confusion and panic

anxiety abound.

In less than half a day I have come to depend on that prompt

Where is it?

The  grumpy little curmudgions

squat there in their sandy soil

not a word of thanks for saving them

when their feet were rotten

with too much high living

They think they’re so cute and

independent,

eyes closed,

backs turned.

nobody flowering here

or throwing a party.

pretend they don’t need me

thank you.

I have a drip gardening system

and I’m the drip.

Into each pot I drip a sip

of non-potable gleanings

from my baths

carried, not always lovingly,

down the stairs, and rationed.

Look kid,

What I said about the freedom of the road,

I sorta made it  sound good so you wouldn’t worry.

it’s tough and it’s lonely and you don’t eat every day.

You wind up doing stuff you never expected just to keep going.

I know it’s tough here, but it’s tougher there.

If you could survive there, you can work it out here easier.

Yeh.  I know.

I said I’d take you with me, but I lied.

i lie a lot.

Besides, I can’t be looking after you.

I gotta travel fast and light and you would slow me down.

I don’t CARE what i promised.

This is what is happening,

So get over it.  I have.

Yeh,  you got a little set aside

We could buy that farm

Raise those chickens

And Rabbits

But it wouldn;t be the same,

Without him.

It was supposed to be a place for him.

You understand.

I’ll keep moving

While I can.

The risks of appreciation  more a list than a poem, but that’s okay.

The people get so little praise unsolicited, Unexpected,

appreciation and praise

Atta girl and you did great

That their first reaction is to bridle

stiffen as though this might be some joke

some setup to humiliate them.

Keep it simple, clear, and always truthful.

Do not be carried away with lavish praise.

Be specific about what you liked.

It does not matter where it  lay on some cosmic scale

YOU liked it and are expressing your admiration and appreciation.

Do not force them to accept the praise,

Offer it like you would offer a cold beverage,

and accept refusal cheerfully.

It was delivered and it will work its charm.

But it is worth the ristk.