The Poetry Marathon

i want to taste the air that you have been breathing

while we were meshed, tangled, and sweaty

my fondest memory on that blue and white checkered couch

when I felt all of you

slide into all of me

and those hours slipped away

nothing else mattered when I was in your arms

(or under your naked body)

and you whispered in my ear the greatest love story ever told

about how much you love

fucking me

We learned in science class

that nothing grows when it is dark

which is where I have been hiding

stunted

for the past 15 years

when I stopped being perfect

and became who I am

15 years later

The sun is finally shinning

and I can feel new growth

blooming

in small random patches

where the darkness used to live

A luscious lady licks

Lazily lapfuls liquor

Lucidly Locked

Dalliance

Toying

Teasing

Copulation

Fornication

Coition

Breathy

Growling

Piercing

Throaty

Scratchy

Whispering

Burrow

Caress

Embrace

Nuzzle

Sigh

Sleep

There was a girl,

a beautifully

broken

damaged girl

Whose heart was torn from her chest

the moment you walked out

and left her collapsed on the floor

Years spent, shut away, shut out, never loving, forgetting

that she could run, she could fly, she could flee

Writing the note, while taking the pills

she remembered she could run

and when did, she was already long gone, long gone

Somedays I think I’ll quit

and become a plumber

or a chef

or a florist

maybe writing just isn’t for me

Maybe I can arrange sweet peonies and yellow daisies better than I can arrange 26 letters

Or maybe I can unclog pipes better than I can write through a block

Or maybe I can prepare a 7-course meal better than I can prepare a poem for you to read

Then I am reminded at 3 am when the words are buzzing in my head, trapping themselves in my mouth, cutting my tongue like a razor blade, begging to be released on paper

That I am a writer

and there is nothing else out there for me

and there never was

or will be

You, you, you

You tell me to smile

And my breath forgets to exhale

and my heart skips a beat

or 12

And I forgot every single reason that I have ever frowned in my entire life

And I could get used to this

You telling me to smile

24 in 24

and 1 at 9

sounds like an algebra problem I once had

when I was trying to solve (y+u=x)

but I kept getting 0

I never understood why the X was such an important part of the equation

until I realized

that I was never really good at math (or us)

in the first place

I have been awake for more hours than I can count on both hands, twice

What little sleep I got, wasn’t what I was expecting or hoping for

I wanted the…”my head hit the pillow and I was passed out in less than 2.1 seconds”

but instead

I laid there, with my eyes closed, listening to the poems trying to write myself in my head

Like needy children, crowding me, demanding to be heard

I wanted to give them all attention,

I wanted to write all of those words and send them off into the world

But instead, their buzz, the sound of them flying around

was the lullaby

that finally put me to sleep

I used to associate fucking for love

Raw

Dirty

Ripping my clothes off with your teeth

Couldn’t wait to get me under you

So you could get inside of me

Kind of fucking

There was no passion

Just fucking

But oh, did I love you

The way you pulled my hair

Slapped me around

Held me down

Forcing yourself to penetrate my core

You made me yours that morning

Against my will

You made me yours

I writhed around on the floor

not with passion

or pleasure

but in pain

begging not for more

but begging you to stop

And eventually

You did

You wiped your dick off with my panties

Then threw them on my face

“Thanks for that, love you too”

you said with a chuckle

You got dressed

and left

With the same quickness you used to devour me

I was there, laying on the floor

So very much in love

with you