written for a friend
TW :: Sexual matters

There’s a place where
I keep all of my secrets
where no one sees them
unless I invite them in

I don’t just trust blindly anymore
It’s taken me a long time
to cultivate the courage
to be able to share any
of my secrets with you

I have a closet where
I keep everything that society
considers naughty where I store
all of the things that
society would frown upon

Like the fact that I like to indulge in
intimate relations with a guy friend
that is probably 15 years younger than
I am.

And the fact that I am human, female
and I look at porn. It doesn’t make me
a bad person-
And I refuse to feel that way

Just someone trying to find their
way through the aftermath of
being considered a sexual object
by older men for most of their
childhood.

In my closet are many things good and bad
so many secrets that I don’t know if I
can ever truly share without being
looked down on

like the fact that I was in a submissive
relationship with a man that controlled me
because sometimes, that was the only way
I could respond

Like the years that I was a whore
because that was the only way that I
could relate to men-
It’s not the only way, and honestly it’s
a trite way to cope.

I have a closet that, I’m not sure anyone
else needs to open it
Might not like what you find in there