Sometimes I smile
because the monster
in my head is quiet
no one the wiser

But then there are times
where it runs loose and
I smile because the
real me shines through

See?
See the real me yet?
I’m not normal and
I don’t need your pity
your forgiveness
or apologies

I don’t need your
accusations
I don’t need to explain
myself to you
Don’t need your permission

There are times where
that monster escapes
and I am mortified because
the real me shows up
and I can no longer hide

Then I get over myself and
think-
Fuck it-
accept me or don’t

I am so sick of you
thinking I have to be perfect
we both know-
that’s not going to happen

Damnit!
The monster is trying
to get out again
NO!
Stay inside!
These people can’t handle you

My mind is such a mess
insane cesspool
all the boxes tipped and spilled

I’m so ashamed of
the monster
He’s dragged me down
twisted me violently
every which way

The monster wants
to be heard
not silent
lonely lonely
wants a friend
or two

The walls I’ve built
so high are crumbling
down because the
monster wants to be
heard

I can’t let you out
You’ll only hurt the ones
I love
I don’t care if you hurt me-

I hate what you have
made me into-
I am at war with you

I can’t afford even a
moment of relief-
because it will be
the death of me

Sometimes I smile
because the monster is quiet
and asleep
and I appear normal and happy-

And no one is the wiser.