What have I done?

Swore I wouldn’t do it

Tried every way I could 

to avoid it

Tried so hard

I gotta step back

Think 

Take a breath

Let it out 

Shake it off

Calm Down

Trying to wrap my head 

around it

Trying to give it up

It’s hard-

The voice saying:

Take me

Do it

Pick me up

You know you want it

END IT!

“Yes,”

“Yes I do.” I say to myself

I do want to end it

Picked it up- 

turned it over and over

Felt the coolness

the power

didn’t tremble though

Not trembling

Not going to be weak

over it

done with it

dumped in the garbage can

step back

Take a breath

Let it out 

take another

Let it out

Shake it off

Back away

clench fists

sink to your knees

Scream

Was so close

Too close

Wanted it so bad

needed it so bad

Still trying to avoid

not sure how long

constant constant 

Everyday battle

Get up

dust off

save the fight

for another day

Hurts so bad

Want the pain

Want to be numb

Just not the stain

Gotta step back

Take a breath

Let it out 

works just a little

Still not in control

Still feeling bad

want the control

NEED the control

Still on my knees

Cant see cause 

the tears

Begging you please

Make me step back

Take a breath

Let it out

Shake it off

Let me calm down

I’m on the edge

I’m going to break

I’m going to fall

I can feel it

Sucks don’t it?

Work everyday

hard as hell

to shake it off 

but you can’t

Damn- Nothing’s going right

Everything’s a mess

I can’t do it anymore

everything’s out of control

I can take it anymore

Scream

Cry

Punch the wall

FUCK! It hurts

Laying on the floor

Staring up at the ceiling

exhausted beyond reason

Can’t do it anymore

Crying ever so softly

Completely drained

close my eyes

Tears pour out like rain

Take a breath

Let it out

take another

Let it out

One more

Let it out

Feeling the same 

but better

Still in pain

not so bitter

Can’t believe 

that I was so close

too close if you ask me

Close my eyes

Take a breath

Let it out

Shook it off Now I’m calm.