Sitting here at the table
startled as my phone rang
was not expecting anyone to
call me this late.
Good thing I wasn’t sleeping

Hello? Who’s this?
I hear the breathing
on the other end of the line
something tells me it’s going to
take a while.

Just great- I was set to go to
bed and snuggle up with my
warm pillow and my nice fluffy
blankets and now this.
Something tells me I need
to stop being so damn helpful.

Hey. I need your help.
you once told me that If I ever
needed to, to call on you and
you would help anyway you
could.

you’re right. I did.
so what’s your trouble
and what do you need?
I’m listening

ok so, there’s this person who
is really irritating me- and I really
think this person would be better
dead- But I’m no murderer.
what do I do?

Well first off- Ask yourself this:
Does the person actually really
deserve to die?
if no, hang up and we will forget
this entire call

But if they DO deserve to die
we shall proceed.
wandering around my kitchen,
making a sandwich while I await
your answer.

Well that’s the thing- I’m not God
and I can’t really make that decision
but let’s say for arguments sake that
yes they do and yes I can make that
decision

then I would say that you need to
make sure there are no witnesses
choose your method of killing
pick your time and place
make sure it can’t be traced back to you
that you don’t have an accomplice
and above all—

DON’T GET CAUGHT.
If you do, you don’t know me
and I don’t know you

I can get you what you need
my prices are very reasonable
my services will cost you $50,000
you in or out?