Dear You,

It has been 5 years since you left me.

I am 18 now and a lot has happened,

I often wonder if you will even recognise me if we met.

The five stages of grief often pay me a visit,

But even they leave.

I no longer sleep at night,

Because I feel alive during the night time,

Lie awake and chase away every approaching dream because I fear it to be my last.

I stare at the night sky and recreate the moments I was too afraid to feel,

So I am up at 4am trying to make sense of it all.

You left me in a world that breaks people,

And it finally broke me.

Dear you,

I am still failing to fall in love,

Maybe because there is no you in falling but I am there in failing.

I still break my own heart when I expect too much from people,

Still I am looking for that glass shoe fit girl,

To enter my life and leave it,

Leave me and have me searching for her the way my words search for you.

If I could have one more day with you,

All I would ask is if I made you proud,

If your death was worth it,

Or if you wasted your dying breath telling the wrong version of yourself that you loved them

Your Present self

~Baker