We Need.

We need to bring about a new age

Of peace, and bounty bars,

With lashings of honey,

And rivers of money,

Said the scarecrow man, holding the placard,

Earnestly shoving his face into mine.

Don’t you agree?

He said.

 

I don’t like bounty bars,

I replied.

Not enough chocolate.

 

We need, instead, Minstrels in buckets

And Mars Bars in droves.

We need cats in the choir,

And dogs playing with fire,

Said the lady to the left, holding her handbag

As though it housed a bouncing bomb.

Don’t you agree?

She said.

 

I don’t like cats.

I replied.

Not enough meat.

 

We need to let the cops know the whereabouts

Of the Quality Street gang,

Holed up in China Town for real,

Playing roulette on a liquorice wheel.

Said the burglar to my right

On his way to the next lucrative job.

Don’t you agree?

He said.

 

I don’t like liquorice

I replied.

Not enough crunch.

 

Oh, go on! You’re a right stick in the mud.

No imagination. No rosy flights of fancy.

You’re as turgid as a Toffee Crisp,

Or melting messy Walnut Whip

Said an old woman just in front,

Waving her stick of Blackpool rock.

Don’t you agree?

She said.

 

I don’t like toffee

I replied.

Not with my fillings.

 

We need a revolution, all right, of sorts.

We need to be left alone to stand, or fall,

To like what we like, and bugger the rest,

Chocolate, toffee, sherbet, or lemon zest.

I said, buttoning my coat up, tight,

With a finality that left them gasping.

 

I don’t like change.

I said.

Not enough warning.