The way to get out of my own way is to start every statement with, “You..”

“You look terrified…!”

“You must be enraged…!”

“You have been through too much…!””You whatever you are in that moment…”

 

Not even,

“I acknowledge You…”

or

“I see or feel or hear what you are experiencing”

or

“I want to help…”

are appropriate.

 

Those “I” sentences twist my head back around to me, and it all so easily becomes about me again, my experience experiencing your experience. This is not the way to extend a hand, express an apology, open a changed ear and finally hear You.

This probably seems simple to others who are ahead of me in processing white privilege, white entitlements, but it took a lot of mental and emotional energy for me to make even this small switch, and I am working hard.

Here are the You sentences I understand so far from my heart…

You were kidnapped from your homeland, and made into slaves, beaten, tortured, murdered, dehumanized for centuries. You are still being  kidnapped, enslaved, beaten, tortured, murdered, dehumanized… You deserve massive systemic change, reparations. You will fight with everything in you to create that change. You will do it with our  without us.

You deserve for me to get this quicker than I am, You deserve for us to get this quicker than we are, for  us to have gotten it hundreds of years ago, and left you in your home with your families.

You will likely hear all of the prejudices and entitlements and privilege in these words that I am still working on hearing and seeing myself, and repairing. You are worthy of your best efforts, and deepest apologies. You will likely not be soothed by either, but we will offer them humbly, with no expectations.

 

Elizabeth Fellows

6/27/2020, 2pm